


Change Your Mind

by Electrons



Series: After the Comet [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Agni Kai (Avatar), Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24757813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electrons/pseuds/Electrons
Summary: A lot of people aren't pleased with Zuko as the new Firelord. Some think he betrayed his country to foreign powers, others think he's as bad as Ozai. It seems that no matter what he does he upsets someone. With the help of his friends and family, Zuko tries to convince his detractors to change their minds.
Relationships: Mai & Sokka (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Suki & Ty Lee (Avatar)
Series: After the Comet [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816084
Comments: 194
Kudos: 607





	1. A Drunk Soldier

**Author's Note:**

> Writing the Puppetmaster was getting really depressing, so I decided to take a break and write this quick little fun Zuko & Sokka adventure. It still turned out a little angsty, but that's just how I roll.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the finale during the peace talks when Zuko and everyone is still in the Earth Kingdom. I have no idea if it is comics compliant or not because I haven't read much of them.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka decides Zuko needs to do something fun, but when that quest lands them in a bar full of Ozai sympathizing soldiers Zuko finds himself fighting yet another Agni Kai.

The ceremony that officially handed possession of the Fire Nation base to the Earth Kingdom was but the first of many. As the first, however, it was important. There were speeches, symbolic gifts, bows and numerous other meaningless but essential acts that had to be done.

The Firelord himself handed the Earth King the key to the gate, well an ornate stand-in for the actual key anyway. The real gate keys, of which there were several of course, were boring unassuming lumps of iron. The pretty key the Firelord handed to King Kuei was gold and inlaid with emeralds and rubies. The Avatar's lemur made off with it at one point, but luckily spares had been made and an international incident was avoided.

When all was said and done the Firelord was exhausted and annoyed. An entire day was wasted on pageantry. Nothing had been actually accomplished, just play-acted. It had been necessary but not productive.

Zuko's annoyance must have shown on his face, because no sooner had the last social nicety been observed and he was at last able to head to his quarters than he was being accosted by Sokka. "There you are Grump Lord. Still in a bad mood?" Sokka threw his arm over Zuko's shoulders, overbalancing him a bit and making his guards twitch.

"I'm not in a bad mood," Zuko said as he shoved Sokka away.

"You've got that special frown on, you know, the one you save for important occasions."

Zuko scowled.

"Yeah! That one!"

"This whole day has just been a delay in the peace talks. The more time we spend on pointless ceremony the less time we spend on working out treaties and actually helping people." Zuko glanced around to make sure no one could hear him. Zuko, Sokka and the guards were the only people in view.

"People can't SEE the treaty negotiations though, or any of the other stuff you're doing to help them. Days like today show them that the world is changing. It's about winning over hearts and minds."

Zuko rolled his eyes. "At least it's over now. First thing in the morning we're headed back to Ba Sing Se. The peace talks will resume and maybe we'll start making some actual progress. Then I can go home and start the work of convincing a government based on expansion and oppression to actually abide by the treaties I signed instead of slitting my throat and dumping my corpse in the-"

"Okay," Sokka cut him off. "You're stressed." He stepped behind Zuko and put a hand on each of his shoulders. "Do you know what your problem is?"

"I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"You've been working too hard! You need to relax. Cut loose. Blow off some steam."

Zuko reached up to massage the top of his nose where he felt a stress headache forming. "I have too much work to do."

"Not right now you don't. All the ceremonies are done. You'd don't have anything you need to get done until we arrive at Ba Sing Se tomorrow afternoon."

"I need to study-"

"No, you don't. You've done enough research on agricultural output, naval bases or whatever else is up for discussion tomorrow."

"Jurisdiction over-" Zuko started to explain.

"Nope. No. We're going out tonight, you and me. I'm kidnapping you."

Zuko's guards stiffened and gave each other hesitant looks, as if they were unsure of the proper reaction to words that were such an explicit threat and yet said with good intent. "Sokka," Zuko hissed. "Maybe you shouldn't say stuff like that in front of the Royal Guard!"

"Hmm," Sokka said, tapping his chin and looking thoughtful. "I see your point. If I actually try to kidnap you they'll probably kill me to protect you. I guess the only way to save my life is for you to come with me willingly."

"Or you could just, y'know, leave me alone."

Sokka grinned like a maniac. It was that special Sokka grin that let any poor fool unfortunate enough to fall prey to it know there was no escaping the lunacy to follow. Zuko realized that he was only delaying the inevitable. "Fine," he said. "I'll go out with you. Only because my guards killing you would incite an international incident though."

Sokka's grin grew. Zuko didn't even know how those wild smiles managed to fit on his face. "That's the spirit buddy. We should probably get changed first." Sokka gestured to their fancy clothing.

Zuko waved for Sokka to follow him. Zuko's guards escorted them back to his quarters while Sokka rambled about something annoying Katara had done. Zuko half listened while running through names of colonial mayors and governors in his head. Once they reached Zuko's room the guards waited outside while Zuko led Sokka inside. Zuko opened his closet and started to pull out the casual wear hidden in the back and toss it onto the bed.

Sokka picked up several robes. "Don't you have anything blue?"

Zuko gave him an annoyed look. "No." He pulled out a simple dark green and brown robe. "Here." He threw it at Sokka.

"No it's cool," Sokka said. "I've been undercover as Fire Nation before. We'll look less conspicuous if we match. Give me your flamiest outfit Hotman."

"You know," Zuko said. "There aren't any witnesses here right now. I could do away with you and blame it on an assassin."

Sokka yawned. "Hurry up and get changed Fireflake Lord." He flopped back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. "We should go to a bar."

Zuko started to disrobe. "Why?"

"I dunno. I've never been drinking before. I took down an entire airship fleet with just an Earthbender, a Kyoshi Warrior and a sword made out of a meteorite, but I've never been drinking before. It doesn't seem right somehow."

"I don't really see what those two things have to do with one another," Zuko said as he slipped into the simple black and red robe.

"Well if I'm old enough to fight I should be old enough to drink, right?"

"I guess." Zuko threw an almost identical robe at Sokka. It landed on his chest with a soft thump. "Get dressed. Can you get to the ground from this window?"

"Is your door broken?" Sokka started to get undressed without giving a thought to modesty.

"My guards don't like it when I try to go anywhere without them," Zuko explained. "Especially after that one Earth Kingdom general tried to assassinate me."

"You just like climbing out of windows." Sokka put the robe on. "You're dramatic like that. Okay, let's go. Do you know any good bars?"

"I have literally never been here in my entire life before today. Why would I know anything about the local bars?"

"That wasn't part of your extensive research into the region?"

Zuko rolled his eyes and opened the window. "Let's go, before I change my mind." He swung out of the window to land on the ground as graceful as a cat.

Sokka fell next to him with a startled "Oof!" It was somewhat gratifying.

Zuko pulled up his hood to hide his face as best he could. No one spared either of them so much as a single glance. Sokka grabbed Zuko's elbow and dragged him to the edges of the base, where the less reputable establishments clung to the walls like barnacles, or leeches. The sun was starting to dip below the horizon, and all the buildings cast long deformed shadows.

"The Salamander's Tongue," Sokka read one sign aloud. "Weird name, kinda gross."

"I'm sure we can find somewhere else-" Zuko started to say.

"No, it's perfect!" Sokka pulled Zuko behind him into the bar. There wasn't much light inside, but there was an abundance of smells. The wood itself was infused with the scent of smoke, liquor, grease and blood.

The bar was about half-full, but people were coming in behind them. Zuko got the sense this place did most of its business in the darkest hours. Sokka continued to pull Zuko forward to the bar. "What's the special," Sokka asked a large and impatient looking bartender.

"Firewhiskey," the man grumbled.

"We'll take two," Sokka said.

Zuko dug out some coins to pay for their drinks and dropped them onto the counter. "Thank you," he said when the man returned with their drinks in two dirty cups.

"A toast." Sokka picked up his cup. "What should we toast to?"

Zuko thought about it. He had made so many speeches about, and toasts to, peace and a brighter future that the words were beginning to sound insincere in his ears, even though he meant them with his whole heart. "I don't know. Let's just drink them."

"No, we have to toast. How about… A toast to your weird and crazy acrobatic skills, which got you out of your depressing room and also several other unpleasant places."

Zuko couldn't help but laugh. "Fine, a toast to that and to your stupid boomerang that almost cracked my head open. May it stay lost forever."

Sokka clinked their cups. "Oh don't worry; I'm getting a new one. I'm getting five, just in case." He took a sip of liquor.

"Oh joy." Zuko took a small sip of the alcohol and then winced, spitting most of it back into his cup. "That's awful," he complained.

"Yeah," Sokka agreed as he took a second sip. He kept it all down to Zuko's annoyance. "It's not great. That's Fire Nation quality for you."

Zuko scowled and tried to take another sip. He spat that out as well. "I can't. It's like disinfectant."

"I think technically it is," Sokka agreed.

A shout from the center of the room drew their attention. A short dark woman with long black hair stood up on her table. "A toast," she shouted. "I'm making a toast!"

"Sit down Chiyo, you're drunk," one of the people at her table said, tugging at the edge of her robe.

"I am drunk," she agreed with a proud shout. "I'm drunk, and I'm making a toast!" She lifted her cup high. "A toast to Firelord Ozai's treacherous whelp!"

Several people laughed and several booed. "Sit down before you crack your head open, Chiyo," someone yelled from the bar.

"That's not funny," someone else shouted. "That little twerp cost us the war, cost us everything. Don't even joke about him."

Zuko and Sokka locked eyes. "Maybe we should get out of here," Sokka whispered.

"Gee, do you think," Zuko asked in an acidic tone.

Chiyo was still shouting. "I'm not joking! The base is shut down. Tomorrow we're all being shipped home. I'm getting off this disgusting mud-infested continent. Soon I'll be back in my bed and my wife's arms."

A few soldiers cheered, but several more booed and a couple threw napkins at her. "Sit down Chiyo!" Her friend tugged at her robe with more insistence.

"I've been stuck in this disgusting country for years. I get to go home now. So I say," she slurred as she raised her glass higher. "To the disgraced prince! Long may he reign!"

A soldier stepped up to Chiyo's table. He was tall enough to reach up and grab her arm even though she was standing on the table and he was standing on the ground. He yanked her down, causing her to spill her drink and land hard on her knees. She laughed with a drunk obliviousness to her own pain.

"How dare you disrespect Firelord Ozai by toasting to the honorless traitor that betrayed him, betrayed us all?!" He yanked her to her feet and shook her.

"She was just joking," the soldier that had been trying to get her to get off the table said. "She's drunk. Ignore her."

"She's a traitor is what she is. You will defend your words," the furious soldier told Chiyo. "I challenge you to an Agni Kai!"

Chiyo burst out laughing. "Are you serious? I wasn't in a combat unit. I'm a cook; I don't even know any combat firebending."

"You will fight!" He shook her again, making her teeth chatter.

"G'off!" She pushed against his chest. The other soldier didn't even budge. He was a wall of muscle, and she was a short drunk with no combat training. "You win, okay? I forfeit; my honor is yours."

"You forfeit, huh?" Zuko felt sick. Without thinking he got to his feet and started forward.

Sokka grabbed his arm. "What are you doing," he hissed in his ear. Zuko shook him off.

The soldier raised a hand and filled it with fire. "If you concede then it's my right to mark you with your dishonorable defeat."

"Wait, wait, wait." She tried to squirm out of his grip. "I'm sorry. It was a joke!"

"If you like the usurper so much I'm sure you'll love to look like him." The soldier started to bring his hand down.

Zuko got there just in time to block the blow, putting out the fire. He kicked the elbow of the arm holding Chiyo, causing his arm to bend and making him lose his grip. Chiyo fell to the ground. "I'll fight you," Zuko said.

Zuko's hood had fallen back as he rushed forward. The whole bar could see his face, his recognizable face. The tall soldier stared, flabbergasted. "You…"

"Your opponent is incapacitated and not in a fit state to fight. I'll duel you on her behalf."

Sokka approached the table and offered the drunk woman a hand. Her companions had fled, leaving her alone to face her fate. Sokka was preparing to grab her and Zuko and flee the bar with both of them in tow. She took his hand and let him pull her to her feet. "Thanks," she slurred.

Sokka wrinkled his nose. Her breath smelled like the village drunk back home always did. "You're welcome," he said. He didn't think she realized just how precarious the situation was.

"She already forfeited," the tall soldier said.

"So you're going to pass up on the opportunity to kill the traitor in honorable combat with all these witnesses to the fact that I accepted your challenge? You could be rid of me for good and no one would be able to bring charges against you. You don't want to take that opportunity?"

The tall soldier looked at Zuko and then at where Chiyo was leaning on Sokka. "Let's do this then. We'll go outside, no reason to burn the bar down."

Zuko nodded and gestured for the soldier to lead the way. "Are you crazy," Sokka hissed at him. "You're going to duel that guy?"

Zuko scoffed. "I took on Azula. I think I can beat some random soldier."

"First of all, you needed my sister to bail you out of that fight. Second, did you not get the distinct impression that you're less than popular with this crowd? What if they all gang up on you?"

"I was winning until she cheated! Anyway, they can't. It's dishonorable to interfere with an Agni Kai." Zuko headed towards the door after the soldier. Sokka followed, dragging Chiyo with him since she couldn't stand up on her own.

"I hate to break this to you Zuko, but not everyone is as honorable as you are! Also, what about after the Agni Kai? When you win what's to stop them all from ganging up on and killing all three of us."

Zuko paused. He scratched his head. "Oh yeah. I didn't think of that."

"There's a surprise," Sokka muttered.

The patrons had formed a circle of spectators to witness the duel. Zuko walked into the center where the tall soldier was waiting. They stood at opposite ends and bowed to one another. "Today our nation will be cleansed of a dishonorable stain," the tall soldier growled.

Chiyo hiccuped. "Your boyfriend is nice," she said.

"He's not my boyfriend. That's your Firelord, you know, the guy you were just insulting. He's risking his life to defend you for some stupid reason." Chiyo threw up on Sokka's shoes. "Yep, that makes sense."

The tall soldier attacked first. Zuko blocked with ease. The tall soldier sent a more aggressive stream of flame, and Zuko broke that one apart as well. Zuko didn't attack. He just deflected and on occasion dodged.

"Are Agni Kais always like this," Chiyo asked. The smell of her vomit breath mixed with the alcohol fumes coming out of her made Sokka want to gag. "Why is only one guy attacking?"

"I have no idea," Sokka said. "I've never seen an Agni Kai before. You're a Firebender, shouldn't you know?"

"I'm a-" She hiccuped. "I'mma cook. I make food. I failed out of combat training. I think he should attack though. I remember that from the training. You're supposed to attack."

"The training you failed?"

"Yeah, that one." She hiccuped again. "My head hurts."

Zuko was still deflecting and not attacking. "I see now why you had to have the Avatar overthrow your father for you! You're too cowardly to even try to fight me! You disgust me!" The tall soldier sent another flame at Zuko that he batted aside with ease.

The soldier was sweating and looked exhausted, but Zuko looked calm and poised. He didn't respond to the soldier's taunts. The soldier got angrier, louder and more profane as his attacks got weaker and sloppier. He summoned all of his energy for one last attempt. Zuko batted the flame aside and lunged forward.

Zuko kicked the soldier's feet out from under him and caught him by his collar as he fell. Zuko raised a fist and then lowered it. "I win." Zuko dropped his opponent.

The soldier hit the ground with an undignified thump. "You can't have won. You didn't throw a single blow."

"You may not acknowledge or respect that I am your Firelord, but I am. It is my duty to protect and defend my people, all of my people, even you. I will not strike you. Stand up and return to your barracks. You're going home tomorrow."

"How can I go home now?" The man got to his knees. "I… I have no honor. I've been defeated by a child." His voice trembled with disgust. "Kill me, that would be more honorable."

Zuko shook his head. "Stand up. Walk away. Your honor is your own. It cannot be taken from you unless you choose to discard it."

The man climbed to his feet, face red with shame. He turned around and walked away, dragging his feet like they were made of lead. The rest of the crowd began to disperse. Zuko walked over to Sokka. "You two okay?"

"I'm not gonna lie Zuko, that was pretty cool, inspiring even," Sokka said.

"It's not like I changed their minds. They still hate me. They still see me as the traitor prince who usurped his father's throne."

"Well you aren't going to win everyone over right away," Sokka conceded. "But you gave them something to think about. I bet at least some of them like you now."

"I like you," Chiyo said from where she was still hanging off Sokka's shoulder.

"See, Chiyo likes you."

"Yep." She hiccuped. "Who are you?"

Sokka sighed. "I'm sorry. My plan to make you feel better backfired in a major way, huh?"

Zuko shook his head and smiled. "You reminded me of something important."

"Oh, good. What was it?"

Zuko scratched his head. "When I tell this story to Uncle later I'm sure he'll be able to figure out a good moral for it. Let's uh… Let's find out where the drunk soldier goes and drop her off so we can both go get some sleep."

"That's a plan," Sokka said.

Zuko supported Chiyo's other side and they walked away. They eventually managed to get her to remember where her barracks was and handed her off to the sergeant on duty. The sergeant was shocked to see her Firelord approach carrying one of her soldiers. Zuko just said the soldier hadn't done anything wrong and didn't need to be reprimanded and then beat a hasty retreat.

"Alcohol sucks," Sokka declared.

"That's a good moral," Zuko decided. "Your shoes smell terrible and you are not coming back to my room."

"But that's where my clothes are," Sokka whined as they approached the building where Zuko's room was.

"Don't care. Keep mine. Good night." Zuko walked inside, shocking all the guards who thought he was still upstairs. He walked into his room and passed out on the pile of robes on his bed, smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonding! It's so fun to write Zuko in a healthy friendship. Love it. Winning over those hearts and minds one Fire Nation citizen at a time. I was originally gonna call the story Hearts and Minds, but then I thought: gasp! I can make a SU reference! So I did that.
> 
> Lemme know your thoughts in the comments, good, bad or indifferent. :)


	2. An Estranged Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mai recruits Sokka for a special mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings at the end, so click on more notes to see those, as they contain spoilers.
> 
> I know there's a comic that addresses the fate of Zuko's mom, but I haven't read it, sorry.
> 
> Yes, I am still working on Nightmares and Daydreams. Yes, I am making progress(ish). Have faith in me guys! :)

Mai was ready to go home. Her experiences fighting in the war with Azula and rotting in prison with the Kyoshi Warriors had given her new perspective. Mai no longer believed that the Earth Kingdom was comprised of uneducated backwards savages that needed to be conquered so they could be socialized. She now realized the Earth Kingdom was a rich and diverse culture with much to offer.

It was a rich and diverse culture she hated with every fiber of her being and couldn't wait to leave. Mai wanted to be home again. Zuko and Ty Lee might be fond of the muddy dusty unbearable continent, and Mai didn't begrudge them that, as inexplicable as she found it. Mai herself, however, was resolved never to set foot in the Earth Kingdom again for the rest of her life.

All around her people were celebrating. The peace treaty was signed. The military was already withdrawing from the Earth Kingdom, and King Kuei and Firelord Zuko had agreed upon a five year plan to return all land seized by the Fire Nation to Earth Kingdom rule, one piece at a time. The first ship carrying colonists from one of the newer colonies, one Ozai had established just months before and whose residents didn't have ties to the Earth Kingdom yet, was leaving tomorrow.

As a symbolic act, Firelord Zuko would also be on that ship, journeying home with them. Mai would be right beside him. She was going home. She might have said she was happy, if she ever admitted to such ridiculous feelings.

"Ooh! Meat! C'mon Suki!" Sokka broke away from the group making its way through the celebration, pulling Ty Lee's new commanding officer behind him. Both were laughing and smiling.

"I'm so glad those negotiations are finally over," Aang said, his voice full of all the inflection and enthusiasm Mai had trained herself out of by the time she was eight.

"They were pretty intense," Katara agreed, her hand entwined with his.

"I think that might be the most stressful thing I've ever done," Zuko said. "That means something, coming from me."

Mai put her hand on his arm, a gentle almost non-existent pressure. He looked at her. She offered him a small significant smile. He grinned back. The boy had no restraint.

Someone in official-looking dark green robes ran up to the group. "Avatar Aang! Firelord Zuko!"

"Yes," Zuko forced out through gritted teeth.

"The governor needs to speak with you both about tomorrow's ceremonial send-off."

"But we've gone over it a hundred times," the Avatar whined.

"I'm afraid it's quite urgent," the official insisted. "We've been reading over protocols and found a precedent for-"

"Fine," Zuko cut him off. "We're coming." He turned to Mai. "Have fun without me?"

"I wasn't even having fun with you," she told him. "I'll be content with my solitary misery."

Zuko laughed and kissed her cheek. "I'll see you later," he promised. He left with the Avatar and the official.

"Should we go look for Sokka," Katara asked.

Toph pointed back the way they had come. "He's at some stall, probably stuffing his face with meat."

Katara laughed. The two girls began to backtrack, but Mai made no move to follow. "Are you coming Mai," Katara asked.

"Your brother's grease-covered face is a sight I can live without," Mai assured them. "I'm going back to my quarters."

"Suit yourself," Katara said. She and Toph ran off to find Sokka.

Mai decided to take the long way back to her room. She wasn't enjoying the party of course. She was just tiring herself out before bed. She had no interest in seeing kids play with fireworks or hearing musicians play trite love songs.

"Say not so, my lady! For my love for you burns hotter than any dragonfire!" A street performer in a ridiculous costume fell to his knees in front of another performer in an even more ridiculous costume.

"Yet, it cannot be so! If you loved me true, you would not seek conflict with the one that I love!" The woman slammed her interlaced hands against her chest like she was giving herself CPR. Mai rolled her eyes. These performers were worse than the ones Princess Ursa had brought to perform at the palace all those years ago, when Mai sat between Azula and Zuko and giggled at them.

Mai looked away. She didn't need to be reminded of that time. The past was the past, and she had a future to live in. As Mai's eyes glazed over the crowd, she froze. Her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't believe what she was looking at.

Mai had just been thinking of Princess Ursa, but now she was looking at her. The woman was older, but her features were familiar. The woman laughed and grinned with each line of the performance. When the actors finished she clapped and cheered louder than anybody.

Mai took a step closer. With the short play concluded, the crowd began to disperse. The woman disappeared into the sea of people. Mai's heart leapt into her throat. She shoved people aside as she made her way to where the woman had been standing.

People grumbled at her for her rudeness, but she couldn't care less. She needed to find that woman, to make sure that her eyes had just been playing a trick on her. She needed to make sure it wasn't true, because it couldn't be true. There was no way Zuko's mother had been hiding in an Earth Kingdom colony the whole time. Although, there weren't many other places she could have been hiding.

Mai turned around, scanning the crowd. The woman was gone, if she had ever been there. Mai had been thinking about Ursa right before she saw her. It had to just be a trick of her mind. Mai looked at the departing actors. Ursa had loved the theatre, just like her son.

Mai put her face in her hands. She wanted to cry. There was no way to be sure. She couldn't tell Zuko if she wasn't sure, but she couldn't just not tell him either. She felt like ripping out her hair.

She straightened. She refused to have a mental breakdown; she wasn't Azula. Even if she were going to have a breakdown, she wouldn't allow it to be on some random street in the Earth Kingdom. She wouldn't allow it to happen while Zuko needed her. She started to walk back to her room.

Sneaking into Zuko's room was easy, way too easy. She needed to have a conversation with his guards later. Finding the Avatar's annoying friends was also easy, not that it had ever been hard. She started walking towards the Water Tribe boy with a purposeful gait.

Suki saw her first. "Oh, hi Mai."

Mai ignored her. "I need to talk to you," she told Sokka. "Alone. Now."

He gave her a nervous look. "Why, what are you going to do with me?" Mai rolled her eyes and grabbed his elbow. She started to drag him away.

"Um, are you going to kill my boyfriend," Suki asked.

"No."

"Okay. Have fun then."

"Listen," Sokka said as Mai dragged him out of earshot of his companions. "If this is about what happened at that military base, it wasn't what it looked like. Whatever Katara told you, she was probably just trying to get a rise out of you. We didn't even drink that much!"

"I saw Zuko's mom."

Sokka blinked at her. "You- What?"

"I think it was her. I keep going over it in my mind. It couldn't be her, but what if it was her? I have to know for sure. I need your help."

Sokka started counting something with his fingers.

"What are you doing?"

"That's the most words you've ever said to me at the same time."

She smacked him on the shoulder. "Are you going to help me or not?"

"Of course we will. I'll get Katara, T-"

"No," Mai cut him off. "It's just going to be the two of us. We can't be drawing attention to ourselves."

"Okay, well let me just tell them where we're-"

"No. This stays between us. If I'm wrong, if we don't find her, Zuko can never know about this. He'd be heartbroken."

Sokka sighed. "Okay. Where are we going?"

Mai gestured for him to follow her. "Here, memorize this." She held out the picture she'd stolen from Zuko's room. "Don't damage it, or I'll have to kill you."

Sokka took the picture, his grip light and careful, like it was something precious. "This is Zuko's mom?"

Mai nodded. "Princess Ursa, or Fire Lady Ursa, or… I don't know. I don't know the term for the Fire Lord's mother. Hasn't come up in over a hundred years."

Sokka stared at the picture. "She looks a lot like Azula."

"Well, she is her mother." Mai rolled her eyes again. She was beginning to wonder if she shouldn't have recruited the Earthbender instead. Yes, she was blind, and this task did involve assessing someone's appearance, but there was no way she could be as annoying as Sokka.

"It's kind of funny, isn't it? Azula is like her dad, but she looks like her mom. Zuko is nothing like his dad, but he looks a lot like him. The first time I saw Ozai I was surprised by just how much they look like each other."

Mai stopped. She turned to look at Sokka, glaring. "I don't think it's funny at all."

Sokka started to backtrack. "I didn't mean funny like, ha ha ha, this is so funny. I meant funny like… weird. That's all."

"Do me a favor and keep that observation to yourself," Mai snapped.

Sokka didn't answer, which Mai chose to interpret as agreement. They made their way back to the street full of performers. There were groups of jugglers, singers, acrobats and various other entertainers. Mai looked for more actors. "Ursa loved the theatre."

"So does Zuko," Sokka agreed, sounding jovial and laid back, like their previous spat had never occurred. "He loves that dragon play, what's it called?"

"Love Amongst the Dragons," Mai answered. She felt a warm glow inside thinking about his passionate monologues about the themes and characters. She didn't let it show.

"He must have gotten it from her," Sokka said.

"There's some actors." Mai pointed at another knot of people. "Don't let her see you. If you spot her, signal me. We can't let her get away."

"You make it sound like she's a criminal we're trying to catch. Won't she want to come with us? She must miss her son."

"Just stay focused." Mai wove through the crowd, scanning faces. She tried to imagine what she would say, what she could say. Her own focus was compromised by memories of Azula growing crueler and colder with no Ursa there to correct her.

A hand brushed Mai's elbow. She almost cut it off before she realized it was Sokka. He pointed at a woman laughing at one of the performances. "Is that her? Either way, please put the knife away. We don't need to stab anyone."

The woman turned her face. Mai forgot everything she'd said about being discreet. She remembered a little boy with shiny bright eyes, neither of them hidden by layers of scar tissue. Something in her snapped. "Princess Ursa!"

The woman froze, looked at her and then took off running.

Mai swore as she began her pursuit.

"I didn't know you knew words like-"

"Go that way and cut her off!"

Mai swerved through the crowd. She was a trained warrior, and Ursa was not. It took Mai less than a minute to catch her. Mai stepped in front of the woman. Ursa tried to turn around and lost her balance. She would have fallen if Sokka hadn't caught her.

"Woah there Your Highness, Your Majesty? Mai, which-"

"Mai?!" Ursa yanked herself out of Sokka's gentle hold and turned to face Mai.

"You didn't recognize me?" Mai's voice was even and without inflection.

"Have you seen my daughter?"

Mai tuned out the desperation in her voice. "More than you have. Is this where you've been all this time?"

"Oh Mai, I'm so sorry. You were such a sweet girl. What have they-"

"Don't talk about me like that!"

"Wow," Sokka said. "Did you just shout? I've never heard you shout before."

"Shut up," Mai snapped. Mai returned her attention to Ursa. "You left them. You saved yourself, but you left them behind."

Ursa's face crumpled. "I would have done anything to be able to take them with me."

"Then you should have stayed behind with them," Mai said. "You left them all alone with him. There was no one to protect them."

"Um, Mai, I think I may have misunderstood the purpose of our little excursion," Sokka said. "I thought we were looking for Zuko's mom so they could be reunited, not so you could get into a fight with her."

Ursa's eyes widened. She stared at Sokka. "You know my son?"

"Yeah," Sokka said. "We're friends of his." He gestured to himself and Mai. "He's here, in the city. We can take you to him."

She shook her head with great speed and emphasis. "No, please." She clasped her hands together in front of her chest. "Tell him I wasn't here. Tell him I'm dead. Tell him-"

"So you're just going to abandon him again," Mai hissed.

"Please Mai," Ursa begged as tears ran from her eyes. "It's too late. I'm too late."

Sokka scratched his head in confusion. "What are you talking about? What are you too late for?"

Ursa rubbed her palms against her face, trying to rid herself of the tears that were still flowing. "I've heard the stories about everything that happened after I left. Ozai promised me that if I disappeared the children would be safe, but my sweet little boy is dead. Ozai turned him into a monster."

"Uh… I'm completely lost." Sokka turned to Mai. "Do you know what she's talking about?"

Mai folded her arms across her chest. "No, I don't. I'm quite interested to hear more."

"My Zuko was such a sweet boy. We used to read together, and he would play the tsungi horn for me." She released a soft laugh, equal parts fond and melancholy. "Ozai swore that no one would hurt him. I had no choice but to trust him. I never thought that my sensitive boy could turn into the same sort of monster as his father."

"Are we talking about the same Zuko," Sokka asked. "Duty and honor and zero social skills?"

"I heard what he did. He chased the Avatar around the world. He helped with the attempted assassination of the Moon Spirit. I raised my children to respect the spirits and the ancestors. I never would have thought him capable of such blatant sacrilege."

"That's not what happened," Sokka said, his voice soft and sad. "I was there. I saw what happened to the Moon Spirit. I saw Princess Yue give her life to…" He cleared his throat and looked away.

Mai stared at him in confusion. "Are you… okay?"

Sokka nodded. He looked up at Ursa. His eyes were shiny, but no tears fell. "The Moon Spirit is the protector of my people, and someone I love died to save her. I hate the man responsible for her death, so trust me when I say that it wasn't Zuko."

Ursa frowned. "If you're Water Tribe, why do you serve the Fire Nation?"

Sokka spluttered in outrage. "I do not serve the Fire Nation!"

"Then why are you here, doing the bidding of the Fire Lord?" Her tone was one of honest confusion.

"Zuko doesn't know we're here," Mai said. "We're not here because he ordered us to be. We're here because we care about him."

"How can you? He tried to kill the Avatar. He beat down and locked up his poor sister. He-"

"That's all just propaganda!" Sokka shook his head in dismay. "Look, Your… whatever the title is."

"It's Ursa," she whispered. "It's just Ursa."

"Okay, Ursa. Your son isn't perfect, but he's a good person. He tries. He cares about people and wants to do the right thing."

"But, Azula-"

"Azula cheated in an Agni Kai," Mai interrupted. "She shot lightning at a spectator."

"My sister," Sokka clarified. "She shot lightning at my sister. I'd be an only child right now if Zuko hadn't jumped in front of that bolt."

"Why was he fighting an Agni Kai against Azula? She's only fourteen."

"Zuko was thirteen when Ozai forced him into an Agni Kai," Mai retorted. "Azula was the challenger this time. She wanted to fight. Zuko never did, and he has the scars to prove it."

"Wait, sorry, timeout," Sokka said. He turned to Mai. His expression was one of disbelief and horror. "That's what happened to Zuko's face?"

"You didn't know that?"

Sokka shook his head with slow and shaky movements. "I guess I never thought about it. He's looked like that the whole time I've known him, so I never… thought about it."

"How nice for you to have that luxury." Mai's voice dripped with venom. She knew she was directing her anger at the wrong person, but she didn't care. "He has to think about it all the time. He sees it in stranger's shudders when they glance at him, hears it in passing whispers and feels it when the pain wakes him up at night."

Sokka flinched. "Oh," he whispered.

"What- what are you talking about," Ursa asked in a trembling voice.

"Oh, now you care," Mai asked.

"I never stopped. That's why it's too painful for me to see what Ozai turned my son into."

"Ozai didn't turn your son into anything," Sokka insisted. "Everything that Zuko is, he is in spite of his father, not because of him. Your son is loyal and courageous and kind. He's a good ruler and a better friend. Ozai tried to wipe out those parts of him, but he couldn't, because Zuko never forgot that he was your son too." Sokka pulled out the picture of Ursa Mai had handed him earlier and offered it to its subject.

Ursa took the picture with shaking hands. Tears fell onto the paper. "They were going to kill him. Ozai was treacherous and Azulon merciless, but it was my son, my innocent little boy, they meant to make pay."

Mai scowled. That sounded in keeping with what she knew of both of them. "And you ran away so you wouldn't have to see it?"

"No." Ursa's voice was dead, emotionless. "I killed Firelord Azulon. I breathed smoke into his lungs until he suffocated." Ursa exhaled a puff of smoke to demonstrate. "Firebending comes from the breath, and since he couldn't breathe he couldn't defend himself."

"Oh, wow," Sokka said. His shock was evident.

"He grabbed me and tried to shake me off. He squeezed so hard. The bruises took days to fade. I refused to relent."

"What about Ozai," Mai whispered.

"He swore to me that if I left and stayed gone, if I never returned to the Fire Nation and made no trouble, that both of my children would be safe. I was going to try to take them with me anyway, but he knew that. He promised to hunt us down and make me watch while he killed them. He assured me I was still young enough to make him new heirs."

Mai shuddered.

"I should have thought of something. I-"

"It wasn't your fault," Sokka interrupted. "We're sorry for implying it was. We didn't realize… We didn't know your story. We shouldn't have assumed."

Ursa looked at the ground. "I suppose now you're going to bring me to the Firelord."

"We're not going to make you go anywhere you don't want to go," Sokka promised. "If you don't want to see your son then you don't have to. I just want you to know, those stories aren't true, or they aren't the whole truth at least." Sokka's voice was gentle and compassionate. Mai supposed she might have picked the right person for the job.

"I'm so scared," Ursa whispered. "In my head he's still so young and innocent. In my heart he can be a little boy forever. I don't want to lose that."

"I understand," Sokka said. "Your son is a good man. He loves you, and he misses you, but if you don't want to see him, we'll respect your choice." He bit his lip and looked away.

Sokka took a deep breath and exhaled an impassioned plea. "I guess I'm just hoping you might change your mind. You can be a part of his life again. You can help shape the man he is still becoming." Sokka implored Ursa with his emotional blue eyes.

Mai looked at Ursa. "Well?"

Ursa nodded. "Take me to my son."

So they did. The walk was awkward and silent. Mai found herself turning Ursa's story over in her head again and again. A question burned in her, and as they approached their rooms she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Why did you marry him?"

All three of them stopped. Sokka looked curious too. Both teenagers looked at Ursa, waiting, expectant. "He was my handsome prince. I thought that we would be happy together, forever."

"He's evil," Sokka said, sounding sick.

"No one knows that better than me. I don't know if he changed or if he was a phenomenal actor. Maybe I was just blind. He was charming and royal, and I thought that I loved him. I didn't even know what love was back then."

"And now," Mai asked.

"It's looking at the children you grew inside your own body and kissing them goodnight for the last time," she whispered.

"Let's… go inside," Sokka said.

The guards greeted Sokka and Mai as they entered. "Your friends asked us to tell you they're eating dinner in Avatar Aang's room," a helpful guard said. "Who's your friend?"

"Personal guest of the Firelord," Mai said. She wanted to get Ursa past the guards before any of them recognized her. "Let's go."

"Why is my son eating dinner with the Avatar," Ursa whispered as they walked down the hall.

"They're friends," Sokka said. "Wait, wait, Mai, I want to do a dramatic reveal. You two wait in the hall while I go inside. I'll be all: you guys will never guess who Mai and I ran into at the festival. Then they'll be like-"

Mai rolled her eyes and nodded at the guards outside the door before throwing it open. She was out of patience. She needed to be done with her task before her heart exploded in her chest. She rushed into the room. Zuko, Aang, Katara, Toph and Suki were all holding bowls of rice and laughing about something.

Zuko's face lit up. "Hey Mai! Did you-"

"I found her! We found her. I- we- I- Zuko…"

Zuko stood up, his expression transforming into one of alarm. "Are you okay? What…"

She heard Sokka and Ursa entering the room behind her. Ursa stepped in front of Mai to get a better view of her son. For a moment, the longest moment of Mai's life, there was complete silence. "Mom," he whispered.

That one word stunned everyone at the table. "Mom?" Katara looked at Ursa. "You're Zuko's mom?"

Aang jumped to his feet and chirped out a cheerful greeting. "Nice to meet you Princess Ur-"

"I'm not a princess!"

Aang's smile wilted. "Oh, sorry…"

Ursa bit her lip and rubbed her arm. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry, Zuko. I let you down, you and Azula. I failed you as a mother, and I am so, so-"

Zuko cut her off by surging forward and pulling her into a hug. "I'm so happy you're alive," he said. Tears were streaming from his eyes. "I missed you so much. I'm sorry for what Ozai made you do. I know it was because of me-"

"No, no it wasn't." She lifted her hands to either side of her son's face and looked into his eyes. "None of what happened was because of you. I love you so much." She kissed his brow.

Mai gave the Avatar and his friends a significant look and motioned towards the door. She left with them. She could still hear mother and son crying on the other side of the door, so they all started walking down the hall.

Toph punched Sokka in the arm. "So what, now you're going on special field trips with Mai too? I still haven't had one!"

Sokka rubbed his arm. "Yeah, Mai and I are best friends now, right Mai?"

"I no longer actively despise you," she allowed.

"What do you mean no longer? Wait, you despised me before?"

Mai smiled, but she didn't respond. Her task was done. She wanted to take a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: discussions of violence against children and a brief mention by a character of having been threatened with sexual violence in the past.
> 
> Again, I didn't read that comic, so this is all probably contradictory to it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!! Please share your thoughts below, good, bad or indifferent. :)


	3. A Skittish Servant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse of what pain and grief looks like to other people, reflecting back at each other like infinite warped mirrors, until one breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for suicide.
> 
> Trying something new with this chapter. This is a pretty big deviation from my usual style.

The Firelord was back. The Royal Procession wound its way up the path towards the palace, bringing the Firelord ever closer. Siza took a deep breath and reminded herself not to be afraid. Royals were like piranhahounds. They could smell fear.

Siza continued to clean. She moved all of the furniture to remove any dust hiding behind it and then moved it all back. Her muscles ached, but she ignored them. She climbed to the top of a dresser to clean the lantern holders.

"Siza."

"Ah!" Siza fell. Her feet slipped, and she was falling off of the dresser. She didn't hit the ground. Her feet touched the ground first and she regained her balance. It was as if she hadn't fallen, only taken a large step.

Isha gave her an incredulous look. "What were you doing up there, you foolish girl?"

"I was making sure there wasn't any dust on the lantern holder." Siza's pale skin turned pink. "I was told this will be the Firelord's mother's room and to make sure it was spotless."

"And you thought, what, that the Lady Mother would climb up onto the furniture to inspect the walls?" Isha crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes. "You might have cracked your head open, idiot."

Siza lowered her head. "You're right."

"Come. The servants are being assembled. We're all going to present ourselves to the Firelord."

"Oh… Even the maids?"

"Mistress of Servants said everyone. Let's go." Isha grabbed Siza's wrist and pulled her down the hall. Siza was still holding the rag she'd used to clean the metal holder.

Isha dragged Siza before the Mistress of Servants. The old woman took one look at Siza and wrinkled her nose. "Make sure she's in the back row. Put that rag away and wash your face," she ordered Siza.

Siza bowed and then rushed to comply. When she arrived at the courtyard with empty hands and less dust on her person she was manhandled into the back row of the crowd of servants. It was a smaller group than it once had been. Princess Azula had seen to that.

The gates opened. The Firelord returned to the palace. His mother and his girlfriend were with him. There was also a short girl dressed in green. Siza couldn't begin to guess who she might be.

"Firelord Zuko," the Mistress of Servants said. She bowed, and they all bowed with her. "Welcome home."

The Firelord returned the bow, which was strange. "It's good to be home. Is this everyone on the staff?"

"Yes, My Lord, these are all of your servants."

The Firelord fidgeted as though he were uncomfortable. "Yes, well, actually… We won't be calling anyone a servant anymore. They're members of the palace staff."

"Err… Yes, My Lord," the Mistress of Members of the Palace Staff said. "As you wish."

"Also, we'll be interviewing everyone on the staff," Zuko said. "For security reasons, but also to make sure they're satisfied with their jobs. We'll begin with people whose jobs involve handling food. Can you prepare a list for me of all these people?"

"Of course, My Lord, whatever you desire."

The Firelord was looking at them. He was looking at all of them. Siza's heart started beating faster. She felt like she couldn't breath. She closed her eyes and imagined an ocean breeze.

"Right, you're all dismissed," the Mistress of whatever they were now said. Siza barely heard her. Isha grabbed her wrist and pulled Siza along behind herself as they left the courtyard. Siza opened her eyes so that she wouldn't trip.

"Do you think it's real," one of the other maids whispered to a server.

"You're an idiot," the server responded.

"I'm going back to work," Siza told Isha.

Isha let go of her wrist. Siza started to rub on the rising bruises. "You be careful," Isha said, wagging a finger in Siza's face. "Royals are very sensitive. Keep well away."

Siza nodded. "Of course."

Isha turned around and walked away. She didn't look back. Siza went to retrieve her cleaning supplies. She watched several servers get pulled away. She tried to settle the growing apprehension in her gut.

Siza's interview was a few days later. She was escorted to a room. The Firelord was in the room. Siza wanted to cry. She was going to be stuck in a room with the Firelord.

The little girl in green was there too. Siza still didn't know who she was. Siza bowed to the Firelord, and then just to be safe, she bowed to the little girl too. The girl seemed to like that. "Hey, Zukes, can we make a rule that everyone who bows to you has to bow to me and for twice as long?"

The Firelord gave the little girl an annoyed look. Siza forced herself to keep still. She knew backing up or flinching would only draw attention to herself. He glanced at the list in his hand. "Uh… Siza?"

She bowed again. "Yes, My Lord."

"You don't have to keep bowing. We're just having an informal conversation."

"Yes, My Lord." Siza stood straight and didn't look away.

The Firelord looked at her. He had been looking at his list when she walked in, and then he had been looking at the girl. He looked at Siza for the first time, and he flinched. She wondered if there was any possibility that she would just be dismissed instead of punished.

"How long have you been working here?"

"Five years, My Lord," Siza said.

"And you're a cleaner?"

"Yes, My Lord." They'd always been called maids, but the new Firelord was changing everything.

The Firelord looked at her. He was looking into her eyes, almost like he saw her as a real person. It was unsettling. "Did you get that scar while you were working here?"

It occurred to Siza that the new Firelord hadn't been at the palace at the time. He'd spent three years away from home. She had plausible deniability. She could just lie, and maybe she would get to keep her job. "No, My Lord."

"Lie," the little girl said in a bored tone. "And she's super bad at it, so don't even worry about establishing more of a baseline."

Siza couldn't believe how stupid she had been. The child could detect lies. That was her purpose. Siza was going to be executed; she was going to be burned. She started to drop to her knees. "I'm so sor-"

The Firelord reached out and caught her arms so that she couldn't fall to her knees. She lowered her head to try and hide her face. She knew it wouldn't do any good, but instinct took over. "Don't do that. You don't need to do that."

Siza held in the tears. She had promised herself that she wouldn't give them any more of her tears. "I'm sorry, My Lord."

"It's okay. You're not in trouble, and you don't have to tell me what happened. You did get that scar at the palace though, right?"

Siza nodded. There was no point in lying in front of the strange foreigner with impossible powers. "Yes, My Lord," she whispered.

"Then you'll be compensated for it."

Siza looked up at him, her lack of comprehension written on her face.

"You'll have extra money added to your pay each week for as long as you work here, and if you ever leave this job then we'll send your compensation as a monthly stipend to whatever forwarding address you provide."

Siza was staring at the Firelord. She could only imagine how he was going to punish her. She was staring at him. It was a complete lack of respect.

"If someone is injured while working here, then as their employer, the Royal Family is responsible. We will compensate you for the pain and suffering you endured."

Siza stood straight again. She put her hand over the burn on her neck. Her hand couldn't cover it. His hand had been larger than hers was. She knew the mottled flesh was still visible. "It doesn't hurt anymore," she whispered.

"I'm glad to hear that," the Firelord said in a soft voice. "All the same, you will be compensated."

Siza nodded. She couldn't think of anything else to do. "Yes, My Lord."

"Right, now for the hard questions."

Siza flinched. She brought her hand down and waited.

"Are you affiliated with any Ozai sympathizers, terrorist cells, groups that wish to restart the war or nationalist associations?"

"No, My Lord." Siza didn't know what a nationalist was, but she figured that if she were one she probably would know.

"Do you know anyone who is?"

"No, My Lord."

"Do you want to kill me?"

Siza gasped. She stared at the Firelord. "No!" She clapped her hands over her mouth. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shout-"

The Firelord waved her silent. "It's fine. Do you know anyone who wants to kill me?"

"No, My Lord."

"Toph?"

Toph gave the Firelord a thumbs up. "She's clean, Hotman."

The Firelord scowled at Toph. He returned his attention to Siza and adopted a softer expression. "Do you have any questions for me? Things are going to change around here. No one is allowed to hurt you anymore."

Siza stared at him.

"Siza?" He knew her name. Firelord Ozai hadn't known her name, but that hadn't kept her safe from being burned. The new Firelord knew her name. She was terrified.

"Siza, are you alright?"

"Apologies, My Lord."

He looked at her with an expression that she couldn't understand. He looked sad. Maybe it was her neck. Maybe her neck reminded him of his face and made him uncomfortable.

"You don't have to apologize, Siza. Do you have any questions for me before you go?"

She did. She had dozens. She knew better than to ask them. "No, My Lord."

He nodded. "You're dismissed. Thank you for your time."

Siza bowed and then left. She was halfway down the hall when she started shaking. She was still alive, but she didn't know how. She started crying, and she just couldn't stop. She wrapped her arms around her chest and sank to her knees.

Another maid, or cleaner Siza supposed they were to be called going forward, found her a couple of minutes later. "You need to get up. What if someone were to see you? Go wash your face." Siza did.

Siza saw the Firelord's girlfriend a few days later. She was cleaning the Firelord's room when it happened. Guards always watched the cleaners when they cleaned rooms belonging to members of the Royal Family to make sure they weren't touching or looking at anything they shouldn't. Siza heard someone approach her and froze. She assumed she had done something wrong and one of the guards was preparing to strike her.

"Excuse me."

Siza turned around. She was looking at the Firelord's girlfriend. Siza bowed. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything. I do need to get by you though."

Siza scurried to get out of her way. The Firelord's girlfriend walked over to the Firelord's bed and reached behind it. She pulled out a black scarf. Siza blushed.

"Thank you," the Firelord's girlfriend said as she folded her scarf.

Siza averted her eyes. "My Lady."

She laughed. "I'm not your Lady. My name is Mai."

Siza couldn't think of anything to say, so she bowed.

Mai tucked the folded scarf into her robe. "Are you alright? You look frightened."

"My apologies, M-" Siza bit her lip.

"You don't need to apologize. You don't need to be afraid either. Firelord Zuko is very protective of his subjects. He won't let anyone harm the members of his household staff."

Siza didn't have a response for that. The bowing hadn't upset Mai, so Siza did that again.

"I see," said Mai. "It's him you are afraid of."

Siza's eyes snapped up. She realized the Firelord's girlfriend must have some sort of strange powers, like his friend Toph. Perhaps that was how he had won the throne. Seeing the truth was a great power. Siza knew she wouldn't survive much longer around such people.

"Zuko isn't like his father." Mai hesitated. "He was burned too. He doesn't want to hurt people. He wants to keep them all safe."

Siza nodded. "Thank you, My- M-" Siza bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. The taste of salt calmed her in a weird way. It reminded her of those wild ocean breezes.

"Have a nice day," Mai said as she departed the room with all of a lady's grace.

Siza took a deep breath. She let it out. She got back to work.

Two days later she was in the same spot, scrubbing blood out of the carpet. The spot had set, but she kept scrubbing. She couldn't just stop doing a task she had been ordered to do. She wasn't being watched. All of the guards were outside the infirmary.

The door burst open. It made sense to send another assassin to finish the job while the Firelord was injured and the palace was in chaos. They just didn't know he wasn't in his room. Siza closed her eyes and prepared to die.

"Zuko! Who are you? Where's Zuko?"

Siza opened her eyes. She straightened a bit, but she was still on her knees. Her hands were stained with Royal blood and common bleach. It made her skin itch.

The assassin was a teenager. He had brown skin and was dressed in blue. He hadn't drawn his sword yet. It was a big sword for an assassin. Siza wasn't an expert, but she would have thought assassins were supposed to be more subtle.

"Hello?"

"You'll never get to him," Siza blurted out.

"Huh?"

"There's so many guards protecting him. They're all on high alert. They'll just kill you, but if you run now you can get away. I swear I won't tell anyone I saw you, but if you kill me they'll see my body and that will make them suspicious. They'd come looking for you. Please, don't kill me."

"What are you-"

"Sokka! What are you doing? The infirmary is this way! Come on," a young female voice shouted.

"Uh, sorry. I gotta go." The young assassin vanished.

Siza stared at her bloody hands. She thought about the Firelord's face. She thought about his sad expression when he had looked at her neck. She knew the safest thing to do would be to keep still and let the guards do their jobs.

Siza abandoned her bucket of bleach and ran out into the hall. Her feet pounded against the ground as she undertook a frantic search for someone, anyone. She saw someone in armor rushing by. "Assassins," she shouted. "They're headed to the infirmary!"

The guard stopped. "What?"

"I was cleaning the Firelord's room and they came looking for him! They're headed to the infirmary! Assassins! At least two!"

The guard nodded. "Get somewhere safe," he ordered as he took off running towards the infirmary. It was a ridiculous ask. Nowhere was safe. So Siza just got back to work.

At some point Isha came and told her to stop. Isha said they would rip out the carpet and have it replaced. Siza was given a new task.

Later, Siza was summoned. Fear ran rampant through her body. She shivered and shook. She felt like she was going to throw up.

When the guard escorting her opened the door to the infirmary, Siza saw the Firelord sitting up in bed arguing with a teenage girl with brown skin and long brown hair. "Katara, you healed me. I'm fine. I can get back to work."

"I healed your wound, stupid. You still lost a lot of blood. You need to rest! You need to drink water! Honestly, how are you such a moron?" Her voice sounded familiar.

Siza gasped. Both of them turned to look at her. Siza started to get on her knees to bow and beg for forgiveness.

"No, no, don't do that," the Firelord pleaded. "Please stand up."

Siza complied. "My Lord, I-"

"Thank you," the Firelord cut her off. "It was very brave, what you did. It was unnecessary, but it was very brave. I appreciate your loyalty."

"Oh, is this her," Katara asked. "I'm sorry my idiot brother scared you. He'd apologize himself, but he's off with Suki trying to hunt down the assassin. We were just worried about Zuko and in a hurry."

Siza felt like her head was spinning. "Maybe you should sit down," the Firelord suggested. "You don't look well."

Siza complied. Someone put a cup of water in her hand. She looked up and saw that it was Katara. "Thank you," Siza whispered.

"Drink that," Katara ordered.

Siza obeyed. She drank the whole cup. "I'm sorry," she pleaded once she was done. "I didn't know. I'm so-"

"You're not in trouble," the Firelord said. "I called you in here to thank you. Thank you."

Siza didn't understand. So she didn't say anything. She stared at the cup in her hand like it was a source of great fascination.

"You can never be too careful," Katara said. "You did the smart thing. If only Zuko would do the smart thing for once in his life and lay down so he can get some rest."

"Ugh," Zuko said. "You're impossible."

"Just sleep, Zuko. The country won't fall apart in the time it takes for you to have a nap."

"That's what you think," Zuko grumbled.

Siza looked down at the ground. She felt disconnected from reality. Some strange girl was yelling at the Firelord and calling him names, and she wasn't being executed. Siza decided she was having a very odd dream brought on by inhaling too many bleach fumes.

Siza giggled. "I bet those Royals never sleep," she said almost without realizing it. "Princess Azula was always awake. She used to practice firebending in the middle of the night out in the gardens. We would have to go out there every morning and collect the bodies of all the turtleducks she'd killed."

Siza snorted laughter. It wasn't funny. She'd used to cry over their fluffy little bodies, but she had run out of tears. "I wonder why they didn't learn…" She rubbed the burn on her neck. It itched.

"You're right, Katara," the Firelord said. "Sleep sounds great."

"Yeah…"

The Firelord was talking again, and it took Siza a minute to realize that he was talking to her. "This must have been a traumatic experience for you. I'm giving you three days paid vacation to recover from the ordeal."

Siza's dream was getting weirder. She snickered. "I could go to the beach."

"You could," Katara whispered.

"It was beautiful there."

Siza didn't remember what happened next or which parts of what she did remember had actually happened. When she showed up for work the next day Isha reminded her that she was on vacation, so that part was real. Siza went to the beach. It wasn't the same.

When Siza came back she met the Firelord's mother. She hadn't meant to. It just happened. The Lady Mother was supposed to be out, so Siza was cleaning her room.

The doors were flung open and then slammed shut. The Lady Mother collapsed onto her bed and started weeping into her hands. Siza hadn't been dismissed, so she couldn't leave the Royal's presence, but she also didn't think the Lady Mother even knew she was there. Siza didn't think the woman would appreciate being observed. It was a conundrum.

The Lady Mother realized that she wasn't alone and lowered her hands. "Oh."

Siza flushed red. "My Lady, a thousand pardons. I should not have been in here. We were told that you were out. I'm sorry." While still on her knees, Siza dropped to a bow, forehead touching the carpet.

"It's alright," the Lady Mother whispered. "Please don't bow to me. Please," she begged.

Siza straightened, but she stayed on her knees. "I'm sorry, My Lady."

The Lady Mother wiped her eyes. "It's just Ursa," she whispered.

"Can I get you anything," Siza asked. She still hadn't been dismissed and would seize any opportunity to flee without violating etiquette.

Ursa shook her head. "There's nothing that can fix this. I failed her. My little girl, and there's nothing that I can do to save her."

Siza nodded. "It's not your fault." Nothing was ever a Royal's fault. The mistake was always the servant's. Royals were above imperfection.

Ursa laughed without humor as she kept wiping at her eyes. No matter how much she rubbed, the grief remained. "You don't know what I did."

Siza looked at her hands. "You brought her into the world," Siza whispered. That was the sin all mothers committed. Siza's mother had conferred the same injustice onto her. She didn't see how Ursa was any worse.

"That's not enough," Ursa said. She had misunderstood the meaning of Siza's statement. Siza certainly wasn't going to correct her. "I gave her life. That makes me responsible for her. I should have protected her."

"My mother couldn't protect me either," Siza said. "It's just the way things are."

Ursa looked at her. Siza felt her heart freeze. She feared she had made a mistake. She hoped Ursa hit her herself instead of calling a guard in to do it. The guards were stronger. Also, Royals got tired faster when they did the violence themselves.

Ursa stared. Siza trembled. "Did my daughter do that to your neck?"

Siza shook her head. She didn't have any evidence that Ursa had the same sort of powers as Toph or Mai, but she didn't have any evidence that she didn't either. "It was the Firelord, the, um, old Firelord. He spilled some ink and ordered a maid- cleaner- to come in and clean it up. I was too loud or slow or… I'm not sure…"

Siza didn't remember a lot of it. She didn't remember anything after the heat. There was pain, and then there was waking up, and then there was more pain. There was working and healing. There was banishment and then being called back. There was a new Firelord.

"Everything is different now," Siza said. "I don't understand it. It's better now, but it's scarier. I used to know how much danger I was in. Now, nothing makes sense anymore."

Ursa nodded. "I feel that way too. I have my son back. I live in a palace surrounded by guards who would die to protect me. I've never felt less safe in my life. I keep thinking it will all be ripped away."

Siza nodded. "At least when things were terrible they couldn't get any worse."

Ursa giggled. "Yes, exactly." She looked at Siza again, and her laughter died in her throat. "I'm sorry for what my husband did to you."

Siza tilted her head in confusion. "You weren't there."

Ursa nodded. "I wasn't there when he burned my son either. Sometimes I hate myself so much, because I look at his face, and instead of seeing the son that I love I see proof of my own guilt. What kind of mother is horrified by her own son's face? I don't deserve him, and he deserves so much better than me."

Ursa pulled her knees up to her chest and looked out the window. Her skin was porcelain and perfect, but Siza saw that she had been hurt too. The old Firelord had given her wounds that didn't show. Siza knew how those felt too and how they hurt all the more when they came from someone you loved.

"He loves you," Siza said. "Even if you make a mistake and hurt him, he'll still love you."

Ursa jolted and turned to look at her. Siza flinched. She shouldn't have implied that a Royal could make a mistake. She prepared for the slap.

"I don't want to hurt him. I don't deserve his love," Ursa whispered.

"Maybe no one deserves to be loved," Siza suggested. "The world is hard and cruel, and the people in it are harsh and violent. Maybe love is too good for all of us, but it must be nice to have." She gave Ursa a nervous smile and hoped for an annoyed dismissal instead of a violent reprimand.

"Do you love your mother?" Ursa looked at Siza with wet desperate eyes.

"She's dead," Siza said. It wasn't an answer, but it was the only thing she knew was true.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was it… Did she work here?"

Siza understood that Ursa was asking if her family was somehow responsible for Siza's mother's death. They were, but in a roundabout way that couldn't be explained. "She killed herself," Siza said. "She was tired."

"Oh." Ursa stared at her window. It had a beautiful view of the garden Siza used to have to pick up turtleduck corpses in every morning. "Sometimes I'm tired too." Ursa didn't look like she was seeing the garden. She looked like she was seeing something far away and long ago.

Siza nodded. She didn't understand how anyone could ever not be tired. She shifted a bit while Ursa was looking away to try and take some pressure off her knees. Ursa noticed.

"I just remembered," Ursa said. "You've been stuck here this whole time, haven't you? You aren't even allowed to ask to leave. They teach you so many stupid rules…" Ursa shook her head. "You can go."

Siza got to her feet and bowed. "My Lady."

"Don't tell anyone what we talked about, please." Ursa said as Siza left.

Siza bowed again to acknowledge the order. "My Lady."

Siza started to walk away. She didn't know where she was going. She remembered. She thought about how it had felt to find her mother's body. Covering up the way she had died had been awful.

Siza took a deep breath and cleared her mind. She remembered the Firelord thanking her and telling her she was brave. She glanced back down the hall. There was no one there. She was alone.

Siza started running, just like she had after encountering the assassins that weren't assassins. She didn't know who she was looking for or how she would find them. Someone shouted at her at one point, but she ignored them. That was when she saw her, the Firelord's girlfriend.

Mai was talking to a minister who towered at least ten inches taller than her. "I don't recall asking for your opinion on the matter."

Siza ran up to her. Siza's heart was racing. She felt like she was going to throw up. What a thing to be executed for, throwing up on the Firelord's girlfriend's shoes. "You need to use your power!"

Mai turned to look at her and raised a brow. "Excuse me?"

"You need to use your power that lets you see what people are thinking," Siza explained, breathless. She felt like she was going to pass out. She took a deep breath, deeper than anyone should be able to, and stilled her breathing. "You need to use it on me."

Mai turned to the minister. He was staring at them like they were some strange disconcerting spectacle. "You may go," Mai told him.

"I-"

"You are not required to speak further."

The minister scowled and then departed.

Mai returned her attention to Siza. "Is there something that you want to tell me?"

"I can't," Siza said.

Mai looked her up and down. "Someone ordered you not to tell me?"

"Yes," Siza said with relief. "But you can see it, right? With your thing that lets you see what other people are thinking?"

Mai smirked. "Do you think that I can read people's minds?"

Siza frowned. She felt a flutter of fear in her heart. "You read mine the other day."

"When was this?"

"I was cleaning the Firelord's room, and you came in to…" Siza blushed. "You saw what I was thinking inside my head."

Mai shook her head. "I must say, of all the rumors I've heard about myself since my boyfriend became the Firelord, this is my favorite."

Siza felt like she was going to cry, but she wouldn't. She had promised herself she wouldn't give them anymore of her tears. "So you can't see it?" She felt hopeless.

Mai pinned her down with a piercing gaze. "Is someone in danger? Is the Firelord in danger?"

"I can't tell you." Siza shook with fear. She just wanted to do the right thing. She wanted to help somebody. She felt so stupid for thinking she could. She couldn't even help herself.

Mai didn't hit her. She didn't even order a guard over to hit her. It was strange. "Would it help if I ordered you to tell me?"

Siza shook her head. "She outranks you."

Mai gave a slow deliberate nod. "Alright, come with me."

Siza complied. She forced her breathing to be calm. Her heart was not as easy to control. She felt it pounding at her breast like a roofer hammering in nails. Bile tried to rise up her throat.

Mai brought Siza to the Firelord's study and ordered Siza to follow her inside. The Firelord was sitting at his desk dictating a letter to his scribe while reading a scroll. He looked up. "Hi Mai." He grinned at her.

Mai turned to the scribe. "Leave."

The Firelord's grin slipped. "Is everything alright?" He noticed Siza. "Oh, hi. Aren't you the cleaner who thought my friends were assassins?"

Mai scowled at the scribe. "I said, leave."

The Firelord nodded at the scribe. He gathered his materials and fled. The Firelord frowned. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I don't know," Mai said. "I need you to order her to tell me." Mai pointed at Siza.

The Firelord looked from his girlfriend to Siza and then back to Mai again. "Did she do something? Are you okay?"

"She wants to tell me something, but someone ordered her not to. Nobody outranks you, so order her to tell me whatever it is that has distressed her so much."

"Oh." The Firelord looked at Siza. She started to shake. "It's uh… Ziza, right?"

"Siza, My Lord." she whispered. She assumed that was a test. She wondered if passing enough tests could save her.

"Siza, I'm sorry. Siza, if something happened, you can tell me. Did someone hurt you?"

Siza shook her head. "Nothing happened, My Lord. She just ordered me not to tell anyone."

"Who ordered you not to tell anyone," the Firelord asked. His voice was gentle.

"Your mother," Siza said in the quietest whisper she could.

"Is my mother in danger?" The Firelord's voice was tinged with panic.

Siza took a deep breath. "She said she was tired." Siza flinched, because she knew that didn't make any sense. "She feels guilty. She thinks it's her fault that…" Siza stared at the angry red scar on the Firelord's face.

Mai spoke up in a soft and quiet voice. "Did she tell you what she planned to do about this guilt?"

"She just…" Siza didn't know how to explain it right. "She said she was tired. My mother was tired too." Siza knew she wasn't making any sense. She felt desperation boiling within herself.

"They're invisible," she said with a burst of feeling. "Her scars are on… the inside. She blames herself… for the way she feels." Siza shook her head. "She thinks it's her fault that the princess is wrong."

"I see," the Firelord said in a strangled voice. His hand was clenched in a fist. Siza prepared herself to take the punch. "Did she tell you anything else?"

Without thinking, Siza reached up and touched her scar. She remembered the Lady Mother's confusing apology. "No, My Lord."

"Thank you for bringing this to my attention," the Firelord said. "You may go."

Siza bowed. She started to leave.

"Siza."

She froze. She turned back around, face twisted in fear. "My Lord?"

"No matter what anybody orders you, no matter who it is, even if it were me, you don't have to keep it secret when you think someone's life is in danger. If you know that someone is in trouble, you are always free to seek help for them."

"Or yourself," Mai added. "You are always free to seek help for yourself."

"Yes," the Firelord agreed with great emphasis. "No one can make you keep a secret that puts you in danger. Do you understand?"

Siza bowed. "Yes, My Lord." The truth was so much more dangerous than keeping it a secret, but for a moment Siza felt a reckless impulse to blurt it out. Maybe that was the Firelord's strange power.

He sighed. He looked exhausted. He looked sad and scared. He didn't look like a Firelord. He looked like a teenager. She found herself pitying him, which was probably technically a treasonous thought.

"I'm sorry," Siza said.

"For what," he asked.

"I… don't know," she admitted.

"Thank you," Mai said. "You can go."

After that Siza saw the Lady Mother from time to time, but she didn't speak to her. That wouldn't have been appropriate. Siza watched her from a distance. Ursa looked pale and tired. There was a doctor with her a lot of the time.

One time Siza saw the Lady Mother trailing down the hall like a ghost, pale and slow. Her eyes were empty and hollow. Siza stopped to stare at her. A strong hand grabbed onto her wrist and yanked her back.

"What are you doing," Isha hissed at her.

"Nothing," Siza whispered.

"You need to keep away from her. When something happens, you don't want to be the closest available outlet for a Royal's anger."

Siza knew that Isha was right. All of the staff knew to keep away from Ursa. Sooner or later something terrible was going to happen. They all knew the consequences of being conveniently near when something terrible happened to a Royal. They all knew the consequences of being in the general vicinity when something mildly inconvenient happened. Siza remembered the story of the server who had watched Princess Azula bite into a cherry pit.

"Well?"

"She's nice. She's nice, and she's so sad. They're both so sad."

Isha scoffed. "They're Royals."

"The Firelord was nice to me. He thanked me, and he didn't reprimand me for being slow and stupid."

Isha poked the burn scar on Siza's neck. Siza hissed with discomfort. "You're going to die, Siza. You're too stupid to live."

"Maybe you're right," Siza whispered. "Maybe I don't want to live like this anymore. Maybe taking a chance to believe that things have changed, that the world is a better place now, is worth risking death for."

Isha laughed at her. "I won't mourn for you."

Siza believed her. She walked away. She went to her supervisor and asked if she could take a week off to go to the beach. Her supervisor asked which particular week she wanted off. Siza said she didn't care.

When Siza got back to the palace she was sunburned from windsailing. She had rented the board from a bored teenager who took her compensation coins without even looking at her. No one noticed her. She had stayed out there for hours, and no one had cared.

One of the other cleaners laughed when Siza sat down to help her with some laundry. "You look like a cherryberry!" She poked Siza's red face. It stung, but Siza didn't care. She wasn't scared.

A few hours later they were done, and Siza picked up a pile of Ursa's clean and folded clothes to take to her room. When she arrived the guards said Ursa wasn't inside. She knocked just to be sure. There was no answer. Siza opened the door and stepped into the room. No one followed her.

Ursa was sitting in the window frame, legs dangling out over the open air. "Oh," Siza said as the door shut behind her.

Ursa looked over her shoulder, her face red and stained with tears. "You can just put those anywhere. It doesn't matter."

Siza looked at the expensive silks in her hands. "Maybe you could try them on? Maybe it will feel nice to put on some fine clothes," Siza suggested. "I've never worn nice clothes like these before."

Ursa laughed. "You can have them then."

"That's not what I meant," Siza said. She took a few steps towards the window.

"I know." Ursa was gripping the frame so tight that her fingers were turning white. "It's just… They'll be better off without me. I can't help Azula, and Zuko spends so much time worrying about me. After this, he'll be free."

Siza felt a flash of anger. She took a big step towards the window and dropped the clothes. She was almost close enough to touch Ursa. "That's not true!"

Siza heard the door open behind her. The guard stepped in. "Is something- Lady Ursa!"

The guard was shouting orders to his partner. He said something about getting the Lady Mother's doctor and something about alerting the Firelord. He ordered Siza to back up. Siza ignored him. She took another step closer to Ursa.

"My mother's death didn't set me free. She was worried that she would be discovered, and that when she was, I would be killed too. She thought her death would make things easier for me, but it didn't. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me! I had to burn her note and cover up how she died. I had to wrap a sheet around her face so that no one would figure out how she suffocated!"

Ursa looked over her shoulder at Siza. "How did she suffocate?"

"Mom?" Siza heard the voice of the Firelord behind them. Siza wondered how she had ever been scared of him. He was just a terrified teenager, and he sounded like one. "Mom, please don't do this. I love you."

"I love you too, Zuko. That's why I can't stay here and be a millstone around your neck." Ursa's voice trembled with pain and grief. Siza saw in her eyes the same hopeless exhaustion she'd found in the mirror so many times.

Siza leaned forward as Ursa pushed. Siza managed to grab the other woman. Siza tried to pull her back, but she had never been in possession of great strength. Gravity overpowered her and yanked her out the window too. So, they were both falling.

Siza wasn't scared. In all her life she had never really fallen. She might slip, or trip, or lose her balance while standing on a dresser, but she didn't really fall. It was more like she took big steps. She could make the air beneath her push her up just enough to keep herself from crashing into the ground.

It was a bit more difficult to buffer two people than one. Instead of landing light on their feet, they collapsed into a graceless heap. Siza landed on her back. She looked up at Ursa's window, six stories above them.

The Firelord was leaning out the window and staring at them. The Firelord climbed out the window. For a moment Siza thought that he was going to jump too and she would need to catch him. Instead, he began to climb down the wall like some kind of geckocat.

Siza stood up and turned to the Lady Mother. She offered Ursa a hand. Ursa stared up at Siza, her mouth hanging open. She took her hand though, and she let Siza pull her to her feet.

Ursa didn't let go of Siza's hand once she was standing. "You're an Airbender," she breathed.

"Mom!" The Firelord ran up to them and threw his arms around his mother. "I'm so sorry, Mom." He started sobbing. His face was twisted up and full of grief. "Are you hurt?"

Ursa let go of Siza's hand to put her arms around her son. She ran her fingers through his hair. "Oh, Zuko…" Her whisper was full of pain and regret. "I was supposed to protect you."

"You did protect me," he whispered back. "You did, and I should have helped you. I tried. I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry."

Siza felt like she was intruding on their grief, but she was rooted to her spot. She stared at the Firelord. He didn't look like a Firelord to her. There was no fire in his hands. He wasn't ordering anyone to be killed.

Siza started giggling. The Firelord stiffened and then turned around to look at her. "You-" Siza couldn't finish. She felt light-headed.

"Zuko," Ursa whispered.

"Yeah, I saw," he whispered back. He looked Siza up and down. "Are you okay?"

Siza started laughing harder. It wasn't funny, but at the same time, it was all so ridiculous. "I kept thinking that you were going to kill me," she said around her laughter. "I was so afraid of you. You- You're just a kid!"

There were tears mixed in with her giggles. "I thought you were going to find out about me and burn me again, to death this time. I was terrified of you, and you're just a scared kid!" Siza held her stomach and tried to compose herself. It didn't work. "You're just like me!"

"Maybe you should sit down," Zuko suggested. "You look like you're going to fall."

Siza managed to stop laughing, but she was still crying. "I just don't understand," she admitted. She looked at him.

He locked eyes with her. "I know," he said. "I still don't believe it either sometimes," he admitted.

"You're not going to kill me," Siza asked, just to make sure.

Zuko shook his head. "I would never."

"I actually believe you," Siza said in a tone of wonder. "Working here, you learn so fast to never take Royals at their word. You learn to treat them like feral cobracats. But you… You really don't want to hurt us. You can; you just don't want to."

"Why would I," he asked.

Siza held out her hands in front of herself and looked down at them. "I'm an abomination." She repeated what her mother had drilled into her head so many times. "We're abominations, Siza. To be seen is to be killed."

"All I see," Ursa whispered. "Is a sweet girl who cares enough about other people to risk her own life."

Siza looked into her eyes. "If my mother were still alive, she would get to see this. She would get to experience things changing. You have to live, Lady Ursa. You need to. The world is changing; you need to see it."

Ursa looked down at the ground. "I don't know if I deserve to see it."

Zuko hugged his mother again. "You deserve to be happy, mom. All of the terrible things that happened before, that's what you didn't deserve. You didn't deserve to have such an awful man as your husband. You didn't deserve to have to make such impossible choices. You didn't deserve to be banished."

Zuko and Ursa held each other and cried. Siza wiped her own tears off of her face. She realized that there were a lot of other people in the garden now. They were all staring. Siza felt her sunburned face start to get even redder.

Mai emerged from the crowd and walked up to Siza. "So, you're an Airbender?"

Siza nodded. She didn't hesitate. She didn't cry. Her heart continued to beat, and she continued to breathe. "Yes."

"I know someone who would really like to meet you." Mai held out her hand.

A week ago Siza would have assumed she was being tricked. She would have thought she was being led away to be executed. She put her hand inside Mai's and walked off with her. Guards were ushering everyone else out of the garden. Mother and son were left alone to comfort each other in private.

"Will she be okay," Siza asked Mai.

Mai squeezed her hand. It wasn't a real answer, but it was the best answer there was. It would have to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really interested to get all of your reactions to this, even if the reaction is: that was terrible, please never write something like this ever again. XD


	4. An Obstinate Student

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko tries to purge the Fire Nation of his forefathers' propaganda while also dealing with the fallout of his mother's suicide attempt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a companion piece to the first chapter of Try to Understand. They can be read in either order, as they take place at the same time. This deals with Zuko's trauma, while the other story deals with Aang's.

Zuko did his best to smile at the woman standing in front of him. He was exhausted and anxious. He was, to be honest, quite annoyed with the woman that had just entered his presence. All the same, he gave her a gracious smile. He was the Firelord, and appearances mattered.

"My Lord," she said with a deep bow.

"Minister Khi," Zuko said. "I read the figures on the implementation of the new curriculum. They were…" Zuko searched for a polite phrasing his uncle would approve of.

"Less than ideal," Minister Khi suggested.

"Yes," Zuko agreed. The words were much kinder than the ones he had been considering. "Can you please explain to me what the problem is?" His head ached. He hadn't slept for more than thirty seconds at a time the night before.

"Well, My Lord, many of the headmasters are refusing to implement the new curriculum."

"I see." He resisted the urge to rub his aching brow. That wouldn't project an image of a strong Firelord. "Why haven't these headmasters been replaced?"

"Well… Qualified headmasters are hard to come by," Minister Khi said in an abashed tone.

"Hmmm…" Zuko stared at a window in the throne room. He imagined falling out the window. He speculated on how painful it would be to feel your bones crushed inside your body. He shivered.

"My Lord?"

"Perhaps, it might be better to have headmasters with less than perfect qualifications teaching the correct curriculum, than to have headmasters with sterling qualifications teaching dishonest propaganda," Zuko suggested. He was tired.

"Of course, My Lord. I will prioritize replacing the uncooperative headmasters." She hesitated.

"Do you foresee another problem," Zuko asked in a mild tone. He was sick of the conversation.

"Some of the schools who have yet to implement the new curriculum are private schools. The government can't just replace the headmasters. Well, you can, but…" Zuko could imagine what his father's method for replacing people he didn't technically have the authority to had been.

"Can you get me a list of the names of these headmasters," Zuko asked.

"Y-yes, My Lord." Minister Khi's bleached complexion made it clear she had been musing about Ozai's methods as well.

"Please supply me with such a list as soon as possible. I'll be inviting the headmasters to tea here at the palace. Would you like to attend?"

Minister Khi blinked at him. Her eyes were wide. Zuko could see her mind switching tracks. It would almost be funny under different circumstances. "Oh, I… Yes, My Lord."

"Very good. Make sure you supply a copy of your schedule with the list."

"Yes, My Lord. Can I assist you with anything else?"

"No, you may go," Zuko said. "Thank you for your service to your country."

Minister Khi bowed deep, deeper than she quite needed to. "Thank you, My Lord."

Zuko waited until she was gone and then tried to massage away his rising headache. He closed his eyes while he rubbed his sinus canal. He saw his mother fall out the window. His eyes snapped open.

A guard was standing in front of him. "Do you want us to send in the next minister, My Lord?"

Zuko held in a sigh. "Yes, please."

Zuko's headache got worse and worse, until one of his guards told him that his lunch was ready. Zuko didn't remember ordering lunch, and his confusion must have shown on his face. "Do you want us to tell the kitchen you'll be eating later?"

"No, no. I'll eat now."

Zuko headed for the dining hall. Mai was waiting for him inside. That made sense. "The Firelord is so kind to make time for his favorite subject," she said with a subtle smile.

"You ordered lunch for me," Zuko said.

"Preferable to watching you starve," she said as he walked over to her. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. There was a bowl of rice noodles on the table and a pot of simple fish curry. There were also two steaming cups of tea. "It's nothing fancy."

"Thank you," Zuko said with deep feeling. He didn't think he could stomach any elaborate creations. He sat down cross-legged next to her. "I'm going to have to have tea with a bunch of stuffy arrogant academics and try to convince them that they should respect me."

"You don't need them to respect you, as long as you respect you." Mai pushed a bowl in front of him and handed him a pair of chopsticks. The sweetness of the cococashew milk paired perfectly with the spicy mustardchilis. It felt so warm and comforting that Zuko wanted to cry.

He didn't cry. He picked out a bit of starflounder and let the flaky flesh melt in his mouth. He sipped his tea. Mai's fingers slipped through his hair. He took a deep breath and exhaled some steam.

"I know you," she whispered. "I love you."

"I know," he whispered back. "Did the hospital send any word?"

Her fingers slipped down from his hair onto his face. They pressed against the rough destroyed skin. She leaned her face against his. "Azula stopped talking."

"Mother?"

"Spends a lot of time in the garden."

Zuko set his chopsticks down. He turned his gaze away from her. He felt ill. Even the smell of the delicious food became too much for him.

"Please eat, Zuko. Please, for me?"

He picked the chopsticks back up. "I should be there. I should be with her. I should be helping her."

"You are. Zuko, you are helping her."

There were no simple curries at Zuko's meeting with the uncooperative headmasters from the private schools. There were servers in spotless uniforms serving tea and carrying platters of delicate finger foods. Zuko hadn't managed to improve his sleep habits the night before. His head ached.

"Thank you all for joining me," Zuko said.

"We are honored to accept an invitation from the Firelord himself." The old woman who spoke had her white hair pulled into an immaculate topknot. Zuko shivered when he looked at her. He couldn't help it. She smirked.

"I understand that many of you object to the new curriculum my Minister of Education is implementing as the standard for the Fire Nation moving forward. I would love to hear your concerns."

The old woman unfolded her hands from her lap and picked up a cup of tea. "The Royal Fire Academy for Girls has molded the young women of the noble class into fine citizens of the Fire Nation for decades. There is nothing wrong with our curriculum." She sipped her tea.

Zuko wanted to slap her. "Certain parts of the former history curriculum are inaccurate. Not to mention, the other nations are given a less than favorable portrayal in the old textbooks. The new curriculum will be more honest and balanced."

The woman set down her tea and folded her hands in her lap. "We are quite satisfied with the current curriculum. It is the same curriculum your… friend?" She raised a questioning brow. "The Lady Mai was educated under. Do you find her mind deficient?"

Zuko took a deep calming breath. "I'm not saying that people educated with the old curriculum are stupid," he said. "I-"

"Of course you aren't. You wouldn't say such a thing, because it is a ridiculous thing to say." She smiled at him. She picked up her tea. Zuko wanted to slap it from her hands.

Zuko wished Aang were there. Aang was so good at making new friends. Zuko didn't understand how he did it. People just didn't take to Zuko like they did to Aang.

Nothing productive happened at the meeting. A lot of Zuko's meetings ended that way. For every hospital he ordered to be built, for every program helping resettle former soldiers and colonials, dozens of problems refused solutions. They lingered, their roots growing stronger. The children were the future. He needed to protect them from his father's propaganda.

That night, Mai went to see him. He kissed her, but he didn't let things go any further. He was too tired. So they just laid together in silence for a bit.

"Do you remember your old Headmistress?"

She stiffened in his arms. "Of course," she said without feeling. The words were calm and quiet. He might have asked her if the sun had gone down yet.

"She's not being very cooperative."

"Do you want me to assassinate her for you?" There was a subtle sort of glee in Mai's voice. The very idea of killing the woman, even knowing she couldn't really, seemed to gratify Mai.

"I'm sorry," Zuko whispered.

"Not every bad thing that has ever happened in this world is your fault," Mai reminded him.

"What did she do to you?" He ran a hand up and down Mai's smooth porcelain skin. She felt cool and comfortable. He knew what was under her skin. She'd let him see inside.

"Nothing new," Mai said. "The children are what matter, Zuko. We have to help them. My brother will be one of the people that grow up with this new curriculum. He won't turn out like we did."

"No," Zuko agreed. He kissed her cheek. He thought about screams of blue fire. He shuddered. "I'm going to visit her."

"On her turf?"

"She won't be expecting it," Zuko said.

Mai hummed with a doubtful lilt, but she didn't argue. "Watch out for her stupid birds," Mai said. "They bite." She sighed. "I hate those ugly things. If you get into a fight, roast some of them for me."

"Deep fried ratrobin, coming up," Zuko said in a playful tone.

She laughed. They kissed. It was like things were normal. It was like blue fire didn't haunt them. It was like either of them could sleep through the night. It was like that, but it wasn't.

The bird was actually cute. Zuko liked it at least. The colorful piranhaparrot stood on its stand, a red, black and yellow sphere of feathers with a mouth full of sharp teeth. It recited a poem for him. Zuko remembered Mai's warning and resisted the urge to pet it.

"I am so honored to be graced with a visit from our own esteemed Firelord," the Headmistress said. "Please, sit down. I will have tea brought." She brushed her fingers over the head of the piranhaparrot as she waited for Zuko to take his seat so she could follow suit.

After both were seated, Zuko opened his mouth to speak. "I've come here today to-"

The Piranhaparrot cut Zuko off with another poem. "Words like summer rain. Fell to the Earth with such force. Evaporated."

"My apologies, My Lord," the woman said. "He does that. I've tried to train him, but some creatures cannot be taught. Such is a lesson all educators must learn."

"Perhaps he just hasn't been given the correct curriculum," Zuko suggested. Her indulgent smile infuriated him. "I don't mind though. A little poetry never hurt anyone."

"Yes," the Headmistress said. "We teach our girls to recite the great classics. We could have them put on a show for you if you would like." She scratched the piranhaparrot's feathers.

"There's a lot of poetry in the new curriculum. There are classic poems as well as more modern ones. The Minister of Education put together a great sampling of poets from all the cultures of the world." Zuko looked at the cages in the room. Of all her birds, only the piranhaparrot was unconfined. He felt uncomfortable.

"Really? How lovely. Can you recite some for me?"

Zuko was taken aback. "What?"

"These poems from the other nations that you are so eager to inflict on my girls, how do they go? Can you recite them for me?"

"I uh… I don't have them memorized," Zuko admitted. "But I've heard several of them. They were very good. They were… pretty."

Zuko felt his face heating up. The Headmistress was staring at him. She was staring into him. He felt like she could see the images in his mind. She could see the open windows and the crushed bodies below.

"You've heard several of them? So you haven't even familiarized yourself with the poems you wish my girls to learn? Yet, you are certain they are better than the ones we teach. That is interesting."

"It's not that any are better or worse," Zuko said, forcing himself not to give in to frustration. He kept his voice calm. "The poems in the new curriculum are more diverse. They don't come from just one culture."

"I see. That is intriguing."

The piranhaparrot started reciting again. "Dry leaves as kindling. The fire will burn quick and hot. Never very long."

"That's a neat trick," Zuko said. "I should try it. Where'd you get him?"

"I raised him and his brothers and sisters from eggs," she said. "I trained them all to speak. I taught them to memorize the great classics. This one showed the most aptitude. I doubt you have the time or patience for such an endeavor."

Zuko frowned. He looked at the birds in the cages. He saw snakelarks, ratrobins and a variety of other species. He didn't see any other piranhaparrots. "What happened to his siblings?"

"He was the best," she said, gesturing to her pet. "I didn't need the others." She smiled at him. "If you were hoping to adopt one, I'm afraid that won't be possible. The school's cobracat has a great appetite."

Zuko felt bile rising in his throat. He forced it back down to his stomach. He felt his esophagus burning. "I keep forgetting," he said.

"What particular fact did you forget, My Lord?"

Zuko thought about blue fire. He stared at the birds in the cages. One bird got to be uncaged, but it knew better than to even try to fly. It recited old poems instead.

"My Lord?"

"All of the public schools are implementing the new curriculum," Zuko said. "The private schools will follow suit. It would be a shame if the Royal Fire Academy for Girls were to be the last. This has always been such an illustrious institution."

The Headmistress smiled. "It has, and it will continue to be. Peasants and industry workers may learn your foreign poems, but my girls will continue to learn real culture." She brushed a red feather with her knuckle.

Zuko stood up. "I hate to cut our meeting short, but I have other engagements for the afternoon," he lied. "Please forgive me."

She stood up and bowed to him. "Of course, My Lord. I would never impose upon your time. Thank you for doing me the honor of calling on me."

"You're welcome," he forced himself to say.

"If ever my former student should like to call on me, I would be most delighted."

Zuko stared at her for a moment, uncomprehending. He thought of silent screams, hot and blue. He realized what she had meant. "Oh, you mean Mai?"

"Yes, My Lord. Who did you think I was referring to?"

Zuko retreated. He wanted Mai. He wanted his mother. He wanted his uncle. He wanted his friends. He went to see Azula.

The doctors were nervous. In a strange way, Zuko found that to be a comfort. It meant they weren't stupid. "Princess Azula is… Her improvement has been…"

"I just want to talk to her."

"She hasn't spoken in days."

Zuko nodded. "I know. I'm going to do the talking. It's not contagious, is it," he joked.

The doctors didn't laugh. Maybe Sokka was right, and he just wasn't funny. No, that was impossible. That would mean Sokka had been right at least once in his life.

The Doctors weren't happy. Zuko was the Firelord though. It seemed that was the Firelord's only real power, making people unhappy. That would explain a lot.

She was dirty. Her hair was coated with grease. Zuko turned an unhappy expression to the Doctor. "She won't let water near her," he was quick to explain.

Zuko flinched. "Leave us."

"I-"

"It'll be alright." Zuko knew those words were meaningless, but they sounded nice. They were the opposite of the Headmistress's poems. Empty but comforting instead of upsetting and profound. Zuko knew which he preferred.

Zuko sat down in front of a dirty girl sitting cross-legged on the ground. She could kill him. The thought brought him a strange comfort. Whatever happened next, it wasn't up to him. Zuko thought he understood why his mother had sat in the windowsill, not that it had ever been a real mystery.

"Does she really feed the birds to the school's cobracat," Zuko asked without preamble. "She could just sell them. They'd be worth something, I'm sure. I guess she doesn't need the money, but it's just so wasteful."

Azula didn't answer. She didn't look at him. She just stared at the wall. Well, her eyes were pointed at the wall. What she was actually staring at was anyone's guess.

"I hate her. I hate everything she stands for. I hate what she did to Mai. I hate what she was a part of doing to you. It wouldn't have made a difference if she were kinder, but what if she had been? She's so vile."

Azula's hair shined with grease. It was tangled and matted. She had a few pimples on her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. She kept staring.

"She thinks I'm just a stupid kid. Well, I'm a product of the education system she's so proud of, so if I am, it's because of the dumb curriculum she's so insistent on keeping. She doesn't understand. The world has to change. People are suffering because of the hate she helped teach. I have to fix it."

Her breathing was calm and controlled. Her hands rested still in her lap. Zuko knew how that could change in an instant. She didn't budge.

"Mom tried to kill herself. You're like this, Dad is in prison, Mom tried to kill herself and I'm… I'm trying so hard. I don't think it will be enough." Zuko stared at her with pleading eyes. He didn't even know what he wanted from her, so how could he expect her to give it to him?

"She gives them as gifts," Azula said in a raspy underused voice.

"What?"

"The birds," Azula said. "She gave me one. I'm sure it wished it could have been lucky enough to be eaten by a Cobracat. Don't come back, Zuzu. Next time I'll burn the other half of your face off."

He wasn't sure what he had expected.

"Find a way for her to bathe without water," he ordered the doctors on his way out. "People who live in the desert manage to figure it out. I have faith in you."

Zuko had dinner with Mai. It was steamed lobsterboar. They cracked open the huge shell of the sea beast with a hammer and ate with their fingers like peasants. Zuko poured the tea.

"Did she give you a piranhaparrot?" He stared at their dinner's mighty tusks.

"It's at my parents' house. It was, anyway. It might have died. How long are they supposed to live for?"

Zuko shrugged. "Do you want to bring it here?"

She gave him an incredulous look. "Why would I want to do that? I hate that awful thing." Butter glistened on her cheek.

Zuko tried to kiss the butter away, but he only succeeded in transferring more butter from his lips to her cheeks. "It's not the bird's fault. She's the monster. The bird is only what she made it."

Mai shrugged. "That doesn't mean I have to like it." She dipped a chunk of lobsterboar flesh in lemongarlicgrass sauce. "I never mistreated it. You should have seen what Azula did to hers."

Zuko shivered. "Did Ty Lee get one?"

"She loved it. She played with it every day. What Azula did to that one was even worse." Mai put the strip of lobsterboar flesh in her mouth.

"But she didn't hurt yours?"

"Why would she? I hated it."

"Right," Zuko whispered. "Of course."

"Hey." Mai kissed his scarred cheek, spreading more butter. "I'm sorry. It's going to be okay."

Zuko turned his face so their lips met. He tasted grease and spices. He tasted her tongue and all of the flavors there. He kissed her deeper.

That night, when they were just a tangle of limbs and Mai's scarves had been untied, Zuko stared up at the dark ceiling, thinking. He could feel her heart beating against his chest. Mai's breath was a soothing melody in his ear. Zuko ran his fingers through her hair.

He managed to fall asleep. Nightmares about blue fire woke him up. Dozens of birds screamed as the flames caught to their feathers. Zuko found himself panting with fear instead of pleasure as he awoke in total darkness. He felt moisture on his face.

"Was it about him," Mai's voice whispered in his ear. She tightened the grip of her arms around him.

"No." Zuko held onto her like she was a life preserver and he was a sailor that had fallen overboard. "It was Azula. I… I went to see her."

Mai went stiff in his arms. "Why?"

"She learned her lessons the best," Zuko whispered. "I… I could've been her."

Mai kissed his neck. "Never. You could never have been her. You're different. You're good."

He kissed her back. They couldn't see each other, but that was alright. He had her memorized. "Am I good enough? What if I can't save them? She'll feed them to cobracats."

"Go to sleep, Zuko," Mai whispered in his ear.

He did. Birds sang poems in his dreams. The ocean kissed the shore. The wind fed warm orange flames. He didn't wake up again.

In the morning there was work to do. There were reports to read, meetings to attend, letters to write and a hundred urgent situations that needed his immediate attention. All the same, Mai still took him aside for lunch. She pulled the crown out of his hair and made him eat.

"I'm going to see my old teacher," Mai said. "I won't be back until late."

Zuko froze with a piece of electric foxeel halfway to his mouth. "You don't have to do that."

"She can't hurt me anymore. She'll see reason. She's not stupid. She knows a bargain when one presents itself to her."

"What are you going to offer her," Zuko asked.

Mai folded her hands in her lap. "I will offer her the thing she wants most."

Zuko put his chopsticks down. He was so tired of riddles. He had thought things were different with Mai. He had thought she was the one person he could trust to be straightforward with him. "Which is?"

"Relevance."

"What does that mean?"

"I'll offer her my womb, and whatever might one day grow inside it. She loved having a princess in her tutelage. I know she yearns for another." Mai took a bite of electric foxeel, as if she hadn't just said something horrifying.

Zuko stared at her. "Mai…"

"It's practical. She knows she can't win this fight. The new curriculum is going to happen, but she can't allow herself to lose either. She has to get something out of all this."

"So you're offering her our future kids?"

Mai raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you presumptuous?"

Zuko frowned. "I thought…" He felt like an idiot. Everytime he thought someone loved him enough to stay with him, he was proven wrong. He had thought Mai was the exception, not the most painful example.

Mai looked away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. You never asked though. Was I just supposed to assume?"

Zuko thought about silk scarves and curries. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize… It's you, Mai. It's always been you. It will always be you."

She shrugged. "You can change your mind. I'll promise her a child she'll assume will be a princess. You can marry someone else. She'll be left with nothing. It will work."

Zuko shook his head. "I can't give you up. I won't. I can't do this without you." He felt tears burn at the edge of his vision. "I already lost everyone else."

She kissed him. She held him. It didn't make him feel better. The people who loved him kept making sacrifices for him. He didn't know how to explain that he didn't want their sacrifices. He just wanted them.

He tried to tell Mai. He stumbled over the words. She didn't seem to understand. They slept apart that night.

He went to see his mother. Perhaps she would understand. The hospital had a large garden. She knelt in front of common plants and buried her hands in the dirt.

Zuko stumbled over his words again, but she seemed to understand. "You want to save the children," Ursa said. "You have to save yourself first. You can't help anyone if you burn yourself out."

Zuko knelt beside her. He got common dirt on his royal robes. "I tried to memorize some of the poems. I don't think that will impress her though. She'll know I only did it because she asked me to."

"Don't try to impress her. Don't do anything for her. Do something for you. Be who you are."

"Who am I," Zuko whispered.

She put her warm arms around him. "You used to run around with a wooden sword reenacting death scenes from your favorite plays. You would play me songs on the tsungi horn. You would climb trees to pick berries and get juice all over your robes."

Zuko flinched at the memory of his father's fury. He remembered robes stained with red juice covering skin stained with red bruises. That energetic kid was gone. Ozai had killed him. Zuko let dirt fall through his fingers.

Ursa kissed his temple. "I'm sorry, Love."

Zuko wanted to wipe away a tear, but he didn't want to smear dirt across his face. Ursa kissed it away. Zuko leaned his head against her shoulder. The ashroses thrived in the sunlight.

The Headmistress wasn't surprised to see him again, but she did raise an eyebrow at the large case he brought with him. "Mai told me what your strategy was."

She smirked in amusement. Zuko imagined she was laughing on the inside at a boy stupid enough to need the politics of the situation explained to him and foolish enough to let her know what he knew. Zuko looked at the flame red, ash black and sunlight yellow feathers on the piranhaparrot. It stood on its perch in silence, waiting for a command from its mistress to speak.

"You offered to have your students perform for me, but I have another idea. I'll perform for you. Would you like that?" Zuko opened the case and pulled out a tsungi horn.

She frowned. At last, Zuko had managed to surprise her. He hadn't impressed her, but catching her unawares was just as gratifying. "A performance by the Firelord himself? I can think of no higher honor."

Zuko couldn't think of a reason to say anything else. He started playing. He'd practiced the night before. The off key sounds had made him realize just how long it had been since he'd picked up an instrument.

The song was one of his uncle's favorites. Zuko could hear Iroh singing along in his head. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the Headmistress's bitter expression. Zuko could almost feel the sea moving beneath him, even in the Headmistress's office.

Zuko stopped playing. He heard a sniffle. He opened his eyes. A single tear rolled down her cheek. She was staring at him.

"Uh… You know that song?"

"My father used to play it for me when I was a little girl," she whispered.

"Oh." Zuko hadn't been expecting that.

"Firelord Sozin banned it before I was born. My father taught me the words, but he told me I must never repeat them to anyone. Carry them in your heart, he told me. He said it was my job to remember and pass on our heritage."

Zuko nodded. "I'm not Sozin. I don't want to erase our heritage, our history. I want to acknowledge all of it, the good and the bad."

She wiped away the tear. "You don't even know our heritage. You expect me to trust you to protect it? You're a child." Her face hardened again.

Zuko put his instrument away with care. "I don't know all of the great classics. I haven't memorized the great poets and philosophers. I wish I had. I wish that I'd spent the last years of my adolescence in a classroom like yours."

She raised a brow at him, her lips turned up in a mocking smile. "If you're looking for a good tutor-"

Zuko cut her off. He didn't feel like being polite to her anymore. "I have spilled and shed blood on foreign soil. I have seen homes and crops burn. I have seen frogbulls rotting in fields where our soldiers slaughtered them, not for meat, but so that the opposing army would starve." Zuko remembered wondering what had become of the rancher and then moving on without speaking his thoughts aloud.

"I have felt my own flesh burn, and I have burned others. I have felt steel bite into me, and I have set my steal on others. I have betrayed and been betrayed. I have been brave, and I have been a coward. I would fail your finishing exam, Headmistress, but I am not a child."

"Being a soldier does not make you fit to be a leader," she said in a venomous tone. "Would any colonial whelp returning from tour make a good Firelord by your standards? You may be a man, but that doesn't make you wise. I don't doubt you make a fine killer, but I will not trust the education of the next generation to you."

"We trusted the education of my generation to you," Zuko whispered. "Look where it got us."

"My students are dignified and refined young women well educated in their history and culture." She gazed at Zuko with disdain.

"I know three of your students. One is at a mental hospital, speechless and dirty. She recites no poems. She sings no songs. She is trapped inside her mind, where her torment is endless." Zuko's voice shook and cracked as he thought about his sister.

"One hides her pain and fear inside, terrified of the consequences of letting a single emotion show. I'm the only one she'll let see what is inside. We cry ourselves to sleep at night. Our nightmares wake us before the sun can. The lesson you taught her best was to protect the things she loved by refusing them any and all affection." Zuko thought about how easy it had been for Mai to offer to give him up.

"One escaped. She fled the Fire Nation. She takes refuge in the Earth Kingdom, where she does not partake in our culture. She has abandoned her heritage. She will not pass it on." Zuko stared at the Headmistress.

"I will not allow our culture to die out. I will not allow our children to be tainted by filthy foriegn ideas. I will protect our heritage, no matter the cost." She reached out to pet her piranhaparrot's bright feathers. Her hands shook.

Zuko glanced at the bird. He stared at its sharp teeth. "We want the same things, you and I," he said. "We want the Fire Nation to thrive. If we didn't hate each other so much, we could work together to achieve our goal."

"I don't hate you. I don't think about you enough to hate you." All pretense of respect and deference had been dropped. Zuko almost sighed with relief. He preferred not to play the game.

"I want to teach our children how to exist in a world of peace. I don't want them to learn contempt for the other nations. I want them to love and cherish their culture, while also respecting the cultures of others. I want them here, at home, practicing their culture, instead of fighting and dying on foreign soil for the sake of a hate you taught them."

"The whole world could have been Fire, if not for your treachery," she hissed. "The world would have been one nation, one people. There would never have needed to be another war ever again. There could have been peace. You are the reason there isn't."

Zuko rubbed his sinus canals, trying to banish his rising headache. "I'm done arguing with you. I'm done trying to reason with you. I'm done trying to earn your respect."

The Headmistress grinned. "Is this the part where the little boy throws a temper tantrum?"

Zuko opened his mouth to shout at her, but then he closed it. He remembered Mai's words. "I spent too long trying to earn the love of someone who didn't deserve mine to turn around and tear myself apart trying to earn the respect of someone like you. I don't need you to respect me; I respect me."

"How inspiring," she mocked.

Her bird started to recite. "Pretty lights adorn. Pull them down upon sunrise. Lest their weakness show."

Zuko stood up. "I'm done with you. You're the Headmistress for the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. Do you know why people send their daughters to your school? They want their children to socialize with members of the Royal Family. Do you think nobles will still pay your ridiculous tuition once they realize you've lost the Firelord's favor?"

She stared at him. Her cheeks were colorless. She was silent. Her bird chirped instead of speaking. Zuko loved the sound. It was cute and cheerful.

"I know you hate me. I know you don't respect me. I'm done caring. I'm going to save our country, with or without you. You can make things more difficult for me, if you want, or you can help us regain the parts of our culture we lost to the war. You can help us rediscover all of the art that was banned by Sozin and forgotten because it portrayed the other nations in too positive a light."

She looked down at her hands. Zuko couldn't see her face. He didn't care. He couldn't care.

"You can let go of hate and become part of a better future. You can change. You-"

"I have taught and believed in the superiority of Fire for decades, and you expect me to just change my mind?" She looked up at him. Her expression was incredulous. Zuko marveled at seeing a real emotion on her face. "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?"

"I know you don't really feed the birds to cobracats. You pretend not to care, but I think that you do. You were taught that lack of feeling is strength. You taught Mai and Azula that too. You weren't trying to hurt them; you were trying to help them."

"I made them strong," the Headmistress insisted. "I won't apologize for that."

Zuko shook his head. "I'm not going to debate with you. Mai said that you wanted to be relevant. Well, what will it be? Do you want to keep teaching, or do you want your school to become an obscure ruin with a presumptuous name? It's your choice."

She waited a long time to answer, but Zuko decided to be patient. Patience was something his uncle recommended often, and besides, there were so many beautiful birds to look at in the room. "Look at you," she whispered at last. "You came in here and sang a pretty song, pretending to be a piranhaparrot. You were a cobracat all along. Your father would be so proud."

Zuko refused to let the hit land. He knew his father would have been disgusted that Zuko used words to fight his battle instead of fire. His father would have said that Zuko should have burned her alive. His father's opinion didn't matter. "Well, what's your answer?"

"In the fall, the Royal Fire Academy for Girls will be implementing your new curriculum."

Zuko turned to go.

"Do something for me," she whispered.

"I'm not sending my future daughters to your school," Zuko said without even turning back around.

"That isn't it."

He turned to face her and raised a single brow. He only had the one anyway. He hummed at her to continue.

She folded her hands in her lap and composed her face. "Keep playing. You're good. With practice, you can be great. Music has many wonderful applications. It's the best way to bring a woman to tears, not the easiest, but by far the best."

"Alright," Zuko said. "I'll do that."

She smiled at him. Zuko understood why. She smiled in defeat the same way she smiled in victory. That way, it always looked as if she had won.

Zuko went to see the kitchen. He felt bad about his elaborate orders, but the head chef looked delighted. She suggested several creative additions, and Zuko agreed to them all. She had starry eyes when he left.

Zuko was waiting when the servants escorted Mai into the dining hall. He had his hands around his instrument. He felt nervous.

"I've been summoned by the Firelord," Mai said without inflection.

"Actually," Zuko said, as he reached out to light the candles with the white-hot tips of his fingers. "It was, um, supposed to be an invitation. I made something for you. Well, I, er, had someone else do it. But, um…"

Mai looked around the room at all of the extravagant and sweet desserts. There were flowers everywhere. There was lemonplum pudding with lavenderlily sprigs sticking out of it. There were strawpear tarts with ashrose petals on top. There were so many sweet things in the room that the air tasted like sugar. The room smelled like flowers.

Mai stared at Zuko. "Why are you holding a tsungi horn?"

"I'm going to play you a song."

"You're going to serenade me while I eat?"

"...Yes?"

Mai sat down across from him on a velvet cushion. She was close enough for him to lean across and kiss her, but he didn't yet. "Are you trying to be romantic?" She picked up a piece of rasvanilla cake and took a delicate ladylike bite.

Zuko squirmed under her gaze. "Is it working?"

She swallowed. "Yes."

He grinned. He started to play.

Things weren't okay. His sister and mother were in the hospital. His nightmares still tormented him. Mai's still tormented her. They wanted to help each other, but neither of them had all of the answers.

Zuko played the tsungi horn. He was out of practice, and he messed up a few times. Mai pulled a flower out of a creamy dessert and licked the stem clean. She tucked the flower behind his ear and leaned against him.

Things weren't okay, but Zuko didn't feel despair. The woman he loved was with him. He'd achieved something. He was using his hands to make music instead of cause pain. Things weren't okay, but they felt like they just might be one day. Zuko played his song and decided that was enough.

Mai started to sing along in a voice so soft it was almost a whisper. "Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Four seasons. Four loves." She kissed his cheek, where the flesh was burnt and marred.

Somewhere, Zuko imagined, a piranhaparrot was learning a new poem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Please let me know your thoughts. Good, bad or indifferent. :)


	5. A Bitter Ambassador

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki is tasked with protecting the Earth Kingdom ambassador to the Fire Nation. This responsibility turns out to be difficult in ways she didn't anticipate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't forget this story. :D

Suki laughed as Sokka planted a sloppy kiss on the nape of her neck. "Sokka, I have to finish this roster," she complained.

"I'll help," Sokka declared. "Take everyone whose name has two syllables. Done. Can we go back to making out now?" He brushed his thumb over her lower jaw and made her shiver with delight.

She pushed his hand away, and he backed up. Sokka never had to be told no more than once, even if the no wasn't explicitly stated. "I think I should bring Ty Lee. That might be good symbolism, right? Someone from the Fire Nation protecting the Earth Kingdom ambassador?"

Sokka nodded. "I'm sure she'd love to see Mai again," he said. "So Ty Lee, you, and everyone else whose name has two syllables. You have a great list. Making out now?" He gave her a hopeful look.

Suki laughed. "I really do need to finish this."

Sokka nodded. "Do you want me out of your hair while you work?"

"It might go faster that way," Suki admitted. "Then, when I'm done, we can spend the rest of the night having fun."

Sokka lit up. "I adore this plan."

Suki chuckled. "Do you want to do me a favor?"

"Always," Sokka assured her.

"Could you go find Ty Lee and send her to me? I want to make sure she even wants to go back to the Fire Nation before I put her on the roster."

"Why wouldn't she," Sokka asked. "The Fire Nation is her home. Her best friend lives there."

Suki smiled at him. "Going home isn't easy for everybody. If it were, Toph wouldn't still be here," she pointed out.

"Yeah, but Toph's parents are jerks- I see your point. I am your loyal errand boy, My Love," Sokka declared. "Hey! Speaking of Toph, you should totally invite Toph. She'd love to see Zuko again."

Suki considered that. "Toph isn't a Kyoshi warrior though. The Earth King specifically requested the Kyoshi Warriors to protect the ambassador."

Sokka shrugged. "She doesn't have to be one of the bodyguards. She would probably hate that anyway. We should just bring her to have her with us. I don't think she would like being left behind."

Suki's face melted into a soft smile. She knew her boyfriend was considerate and loving; that was a huge part of the reason he was her boyfriend. Still, everytime he said something thoughtful like that, something that showed how much he loved his friends, how instinctual it was for him to prioritize their needs, she fell in love with him all over again. "We won't leave her behind. Kyoshi Warriors don't leave anybody behind."

His face melted too. "I'll go get Ty Lee," Sokka said. He looked at her with so much love in his eyes.

Suki grinned. She was still grinning when Ty Lee showed up. Suki explained that the Kyoshi Warriors would be protecting the new Earth Kingdom ambassador to the Fire Nation and that she thought Ty Lee would be an excellent choice for the deployment. "It's up to you. If you'd rather remain here, I completely understand," Suki assured her.

Ty Lee grinned, balancing all of her weight on the toes of her right foot. "Gee, Suki! I'm so glad you think I'd be a good fit for the team! Of course I'll come! I can't wait to see Mai!"

"Are you sure?"

Ty Lee nodded with great energy. "There's no one there that can hurt me anymore." Ty Lee jumped to the toes of her other foot. "Oh! I can teach the team all about Fire Nation culture on the way there! It'll be so fun!"

Suki smiled and nodded. "I think that's a wonderful idea."

Ty Lee gave Suki a mischievous smile. "Now you want me to send Sokka back in, right?"

Suki cleared her throat and gave her a serious look. "There are a few matters I wish to discuss with him, in fact."

Ty Lee threw back her head and laughed. "I'll let him know." She arched backwards and balanced her weight on her knuckles. She walked away backwards on her hands.

Suki laughed and shook her head. She was still chuckling when her boyfriend returned. After a few reunion kisses, Sokka soon had her chuckling again. His mouth always made her smile, even when he wasn't using it to tell jokes.

The ship that would take the ambassador to the Fire Nation was leaving from Omashu. This meant that Toph and Bumi got to have several rematches for the title of the world's greatest Earthbender. Sokka was delighted and appointed himself as both judge and referee. Suki left them alone to their nonsense while she went to meet the ambassador.

The ambassador's rooms in the palace were quite lavish. He had several servants, all dressed in the finest emerald silks. The one who answered the door to Suki turned her nose up at Suki even as she ushered her inside. "My Lord, I present to you, Commander Suki of the Kyoshi Warriors," the woman said with great pomp as she escorted Suki into a small room illuminated by glowing crystals.

The ambassador looked up from his scroll. He had grey hair that had lost all luster, but his green eyes shined as bright as ever. His robes were simple brown, durable and comfortable, but not elegant. Suki was taken aback by the juxtaposition between the ambassador and his surroundings.

"You're my bodyguard," the ambassador grunted. It wasn't really a question.

"Yes," Suki answered anyway. "The Earth King has employed the Kyoshi Warriors to protect you while you are in the Fire Nation. I thought we should meet before we arrived there."

"You thought?" He raised an eyebrow. "Do they pay you to think? What good is a bodyguard who thinks?"

Suki didn't let any sign of her offense or displeasure show. "I-"

"I am Lord Zhuliang of the Quli family. My great-grandmother was a princess. My family owns a third of all the farmland surrounding Ba Sing Se. My family is one of the most prestigious in the entire Earth Kingdom. We did not acquire our wealth through petty merchantry like your friend's gauche nouveau riche parents. We are an unbroken line of pure aristocracy."

"It's… an honor to meet you," Suki said, because she assumed that was the answer he was looking for.

Lord Zhuliang laughed. His laugh turned into a cough in a matter of seconds. He pulled out a handkerchief and coughed blood into it. "Don't lie to me, girl."

Suki frowned. "I'm sorry?"

"No, you aren't," the ambassador snapped. "You aren't sorry at all. You are, in fact, quite proud. I can see it in the way you stand. I've never seen a spine so straight. You think a great deal of yourself."

"If I've offended you in some way-" Suki began.

"This boy king, this young Firelord, you know him?" Ambassador Zhuliang coughed blood into his handkerchief again.

Suki nodded. "We fought in the war together," she said.

Ambassador Zhuliang grunted. "Tell me of him."

Suki began to feel uncomfortable. Zuko was her friend. The ambassador was her responsibility. She wasn't sure if she should be answering questions about one to the other. However, she doubted refusal would help foster peace.

"Firelord Zuko is very honorable. He-"

"You sound like a piranhaparrot reciting a speech," Ambassador Zhuliang complained. "What sort of person is he? I have heard many stories, but none from anyone who knows the boy themselves. Making up stories about important people is a popular hobby. You, girl, you tell me the truth."

"Could you be more specific," Suki requested.

Ambassador Zhuliang shook his head. "You're useless. All young people are useless, because you haven't learned anything yet. Well, I'll soon see him for myself. Away with you." Ambassador Zhuliang waved her off.

That night, Suki complained about the ambassador the entire time she was disrobing. She balled up her shirt and threw it at Sokka in the middle of her tirade. "It's my job to protect him, and he spoke to me like I was an ignorant child. Why would you trust your life to someone that you don't respect," she demanded as she wriggled out of her pants.

"Sounds like he's just another pompous old jerk," Sokka said as he shook out Suki's shirt. He smoothed the wrinkles and then began to fold it. "We've delt with his sort before, and we'll probably have to again. It's nothing new."

Suki sighed and flopped onto the bed. "He went on and on about how important he is. I think he cares way more about his own prestige than about protecting peace."

"Probably," Sokka agreed. "Luckily, Zuko is super into peace, and so is the Earth King, so I'm sure it'll be fine."

"I guess," Suki said. She released a puff of air to blow a stray hair out of her eyes.

"Do you still want to-"

"Yes, obviously," Suki grumbled. "I need something to put me in a good mood."

"Awwww. I put you in a good mood?"

Suki laughed. Sokka was incredible at making her laugh. He was incredible at making her feel a lot of good things. He was also incredible at cuddling. He was just all-around incredible. By the time the rising sun woke her up, Suki felt a lot better.

Protection for the ambassador began on the ship. Suki made Ty Lee her partner. They worked the morning shift together, the time most favored by assassins. After their shift, they would go have breakfast with Sokka and Toph, who were, without fail, always arguing about something pointless. After breakfast, Sokka and Suki would either play Pai Sho or make out. Suki had no idea what Toph and Ty Lee did.

Life on the ship would be downright pleasant if it weren't for how annoying the ambassador was. He always woke up right before Suki and Ty Lee's shift ended. He asked lots of questions that he didn't seem to actually want answers for. "You're Fire Nation," he said to Ty Lee the second morning.

"Yep!" Ty Lee grinned.

"I thought the Kyoshi Warriors were supposed to be protecting me from the Fire Nation. How do I know you won't smother me in my sleep?"

"I'd never do that," Ty Lee chirped.

Suki had a bad feeling. "Ty Lee-"

"Smothering people takes aaaaaaages," Ty Lee explained. "It's much faster to just break someone's neck."

Suki was tempted to take a page out of Sokka's book and slap herself in the forehead.

Ambassador Zhuliang laughed. He pulled out his handkerchief and coughed blood into it. He pointed at Ty Lee. "I like her."

Suki gave Ty Lee a cautious smile. "Ty Lee is one of our most skilled warriors," Suki said.

"I don't care about that," the ambassador declared. "Tell me girl, do you know the Firelord?"

"Of course! I've known Zuko since we were kids! We used to play together." Ty Lee smiled as if recalling happy playdates instead of sessions of physical and emotional abuse.

"What was the boy king like as a boy prince," Zhuliang sneered.

Ty Lee either didn't pick up on the derision or she chose not to react to it. "Zuko is so nice," she declared. "He's very dramatic. He likes to do things with his hands."

Suki frowned in confusion. "What?"

Ty Lee grinned. "Yeah! He likes to swing swords and climb trees and gesture dramatically to monologues from old plays." Ty Lee flung out her hands to exemplify her point. She grinned the whole time she spoke, eyes shining. "He likes to do things with his hands."

"How common of him," Zhuliang sneered. "I've heard the rumor that there isn't a drop of royal blood in him. Some say he is a bastard. Others say the Avatar killed Ozai's son and propped up a random peasant boy of passing likeness as the true heir."

Suki felt ill. "Neither of those things are true," she said. The next shift came in before Zhuliang could reply. Suki didn't get the impression that he'd been planning on responding anyway.

The next morning, Ty Lee told Zhuliang a story about a turtleduck with a broken leg. "Zuko was so upset. He asked the Royal Physicians to set the leg. They did, and Zuko said he would feed it until it healed."

"Did he," Zhuliang asked.

"I'm sure he would have," Ty Lee said. "Azula broke its neck to upset him."

That afternoon, before Suki went to bed early to be well-rested for their shift, she pulled Ty Lee aside. "I don't think you should tell the ambassador anymore stories about Zuko."

"Why not?" Ty Lee looked perplexed. "He likes the stories."

"How do you think Zuko would feel if he knew you were telling stories about him?"

Ty Lee considered that. "People are already telling stories about him all over the world. Most of them aren't true, but mine are. Isn't the truth better than lies?"

"Yes," Suki conceded. "Honesty is better than deception, but doesn't Zuko have a right to privacy?"

Ty Lee shrugged. "Okay!" She smiled and then went off to what Suki assumed were dreams about pink clouds and dancing candy.

In the morning, Ambassador Zhuliang had more questions. "Tell me more about your boy king," Zhuliang demanded as soon as he woke up.

"He isn't my king," Ty Lee said.

Zhuliang rolled his eyes. "Your Firelord then."

Ty Lee shook her head. "He isn't mine," she insisted. "I renounced my Fire Nation citizenship after the war."

Suki jolted. "You did?"

Ty Lee nodded. "Um-hum," she said.

Zhuliang frowned. "Why?"

"I wanted to start over," she said. "I wanted it to stick this time." She sounded as cheerful as ever, but Suki's heart broke.

"I'm so sorry," Suki said, even though it wasn't professional to say in front of Zhuliang. "I never should have asked you to come with us." Suki was devastated by the thought that she was dragging Ty Lee back to the place she least wanted to be.

"Don't be! This is great! I get to see people I love, but I get to go as a member of the Earth Kingdom. You've given me a gift!" Ty Lee grinned.

Suki frowned. "Do you mean that?"

"Of course," Ty Lee said. "I won't say anything I don't mean. Azula always made me say things I didn't mean, but I never have to do that again." Ty Lee swayed a little bit, like she was listening to a song only she could hear.

Zhuliang chuckled again, and it once more turned into a cough. "You are not a member of the Earth Kingdom. You can denounce the Fire Nation all you like, but that doesn't make you one of us," he said as he exhaled blood into his handkerchief. "You are still of fire."

Ty Lee kept smiling. "Okay."

Zhuliang scowled. "Your people laid waste to the world. Do you think you can just wash your hands of it? What gives you the right?"

"The Kyoshi Warriors accepted me. I'm one of them now. Firelord Zuko took me off the citizens registry. He said I can change my mind whenever I want, but I never will. I'm free."

Zhuliang scoffed. "That must be a wonderful feeling for you. You are free of the consequences of your sins. The rest of us are bound forever. Your people killed my sons, burnt them to a crisp inside their armor. I will never be free of that."

Suki flinched.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Ty Lee said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Zhuliang scowled. "You know nothing of loss, child. You are young. Your flesh is pink and unwrinkled. Your eyes are clean and clear. Your lungs are full of air, not blood."

"I am lucky," Ty Lee agreed. "Wonderful things keep happening to me. I have good health. I have good friends. I have a good home. I am so very lucky."

"I hope it all burns to ash," Zhuliang muttered. "I hope everything you love burns the way everything I love burned."

"That isn't a very nice thing to say," Ty Lee whispered as the next shift entered the room.

As soon as Suki's duties were concluded, she ran to find Sokka. She told him everything. "He'll be a horrible ambassador. Someone needs to tell the Earth King."

Sokka nodded. "We could send him a letter, but if it were intercepted…"

"It would look really bad," Suki agreed. "It would make the Earth King look weak, and it would appear as if the Firelord's friends were abusing their positions to obtain him a pliant ambassador."

"Which we aren't doing," Sokka said. "The Earth King probably has no idea that his ambassador is awful. I need to tell him in person. Will you be okay until then?"

"Of course. I have my warriors. I have Toph if things get really messy. We dock tomorrow. You need to take a ship back to the Earth Kingdom and get to Ba Sing Se."

He kissed her. "I love you," he said. "Have I told you recently?"

"I love you," she said. "I'll miss you."

Sokka and Suki went to find Toph and fill her in on the plan. She wasn't happy. "This guy sounds awful. Let's just kick him off the ship."

Suki sighed. "It doesn't work that way, Toph."

"It should," Toph said. "I vote we don't let that guy anywhere near Zuko. Zuko has enough on his plate with just the warmongering jerks in the Fire Nation. He doesn't need us to bring him a new problem."

"The Earth King appointed the ambassador," Suki explained. "He's the only one who can withdraw him. Our best bet is to have Sokka go to Ba Sing Se and explain the situation."

Toph groaned in annoyance. "Fine. I'm so sick of adults. I'm the greatest Earthbender in the world. They should just put me in charge of the Earth Kingdom."

Sokka laughed, but Suki wasn't amused, because she knew Toph wasn't joking. Suki switched the shifts so that she and Ty Lee would be on duty when the ambassador met the Firelord and so she could kiss Sokka goodbye when he left their party. As soon as the ship docked, Sokka slipped away to go arrange his transport. Toph left the ship as well.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not an official part of this venture, and I don't like pageantry. I'm going to the palace by myself. I have a key to the backdoor." Toph grinned.

"Is your key earthbending?"

"Yep!"

Suki sighed and then went to deal with the ambassador by herself. She and Ty Lee relieved the morning shift. They stood by the ambassador as his servants helped him ready himself for the day. He adorned himself in flowing emerald robes of fine silk, the opposite of his preferred comfortable brown robes. His servants helped him into golden armor.

"You act as though you're going into battle," Suki couldn't resist saying, even though she knew she shouldn't.

"When you have one foot in the spirit world, every day is a battle." Zhuliang coughed blood into a dark green handkerchief. The dark color did nothing to conceal the crimson spray. There was little to be said to that.

The palace had sent a palanquin for the ambassador. The ambassador needed one bodyguard inside the palanquin and one walking alongside. "I'll go with him," Suki told Ty Lee. "Don't worry."

"I wasn't worried," Ty Lee assured her.

Suki got into the palanquin with Zhuliang. They sat on comfortable cushions and were carried to the Royal Palace, both looking miserable. "You fought in the war," Zhuliang said. It wasn't a question.

"I did."

"You lost soldiers."

"Of course."

"Family members."

"We all did."

Zhuliang grunted in acknowledgement.

"The war is over," Suki said. "The Earth King sent you here to advocate for the Earth Kingdom's interests in this new era of peace."

"Did he, now? I was unaware that you are close personal friends with the Earth King. Does he communicate all of his intentions to you," Zhuliang asked in a mocking tone.

"What are your intentions," Suki asked.

"I want to see this child king for myself before I die," Zhuliang said. "I want to look at the son of the man who killed my sons."

Suki squirmed in discomfort. "Then what will you do?"

"I will let him know what I think of him, his family and his country," Zhuliang said. "I will do what the Earth King appointed me to do. I will speak on behalf of the people of the Earth Kingdom. I will be their voice, while I still have one of my own." Zhuliang punctuated his point with a cough.

Suki frowned. "Will that help anybody?"

Zhuliang coughed again. "It needs to be done. They don't get to just move on. They need to answer for their crimes."

Suki sighed. "Ozai hurt Zuko too, did you know that? He burned him. Zuko isn't like Ozai. The pain you're feeling, that we all feel, Zuko understands."

Zhuliang shrugged. "I don't care."

Suki knew that already. The palanquin was lowered to the ground. Suki and Zhuliang stepped out. Zuko was there, and so were several of his advisors. Ty Lee waved at him. "Hi, Zuko!"

Suki wanted to slap her forehead.

Zuko smiled at Ty Lee and returned her wave. "Hi, Ty Lee. Mai is really happy that you're here. She and Toph are already in the dining hall."

Zuko bowed to Zhuliang. "Ambassador Zhuliang, I am honored to receive you at my home. I would like to invite you to enjoy an early lunch with me and my friends so that we might become better acquainted with one another." Zuko straightened his spine and smiled at Zhuliang.

Suki felt a pang in her heart. He looked exhausted. There were bags under his eyes, and he was even paler than normal. Still, the smile he offered was sweet and heartfelt. Suki wondered if any of her observations might move Zhuliang to offer the bare minimum of cordiality.

It didn't. "I don't want to share a meal with you, spawn of fire."

The smile slipped from Zuko's face, and all of his advisors started murmuring. Suki bit her lip. She just hoped Zuko would be able to keep his temper and prevent what had just become an incident from getting even worse. She cursed the Earth King in her head for no doubt appointing Zhuliang by rank alone and without ever having an actual conversation with him.

"Of course," Zuko said. "You must be tired from your journey. I can have a member of my staff escort you-"

"I don't want to sleep in one of your beds either," Zhuliang insisted. "I don't want to go inside the palace your forefathers built with the plunder they took from my people. I don't want to sleep on beds covered in silk woven by the hands of women your soldiers killed or defiled, if not both. I don't want to eat food imported from land you stole from my people. I don't want anything from you, Zuko, Lord of Ashes."

"Firelord Zuko-" one of the advisors started to say. Zuko cut her off by raising his hand.

Zuko brought his hands together and shaped them in preparation for the Earth Kingdom's style of bowing. He bowed to Zhuliang while his advisors muttered behind him. "I understand," Zuko said. "We can arrange accommodations for you in the city if you would be more comfortable there."

Zhuliang opened his mouth to respond, but then he started coughing. He took out his handkerchief to catch the blood. The fabric was starting to stink like Suki's used moon rags. She frowned. Something was happening. She'd missed something.

Zhuliang pointed an accusing finger at Zuko. "You-" He coughed some more. "You think that's enough. It isn't enough."

"I know," Zuko whispered. "So much damage has been done, but by working together, we can create a better world for-"

"I don't want a better world!" Zhuliang coughed so hard that the ground below him seemed to shake. "I don't want the world to get better if my sons don't get to live in it!" He coughed again. There was so much blood.

Suki understood. Zhuliang was dying. He didn't care about his own life. She ran.

The ground beneath Zhuliang moved. It would have made more sense to attack Zhuliang and prevent him from doing anything, but Suki had been charged with protecting him, so she couldn't do that. She wouldn't allow her own honor to become blemished for the likes of Ambassador Zhuliang. She ran forward.

The spike of rock that erupted from the ground was hard and sharp. Suki knew just how hard and sharp it was, because when she pushed Zuko out of the way, it ripped into her. Her flesh parted to make way for the rock, and blood gushed out of her abdomen. She screamed.

"Suki!" Zuko called her name as she fell. She never hit the ground. Someone caught her. "Suki!"

Suki screamed curses she'd learned from spending too much time with sailors. The pain was intense. The blood was gushing out with so much pressure. That couldn't be good.

"Firelord Zuko, we must get you to safety!"

"Go get the Royal Physician!"

"They're on their way, but you-"

"Go tell them to hurry up!"

"Press down harder!" Ty Lee didn't sound happy anymore. She sounded like panic and grief. She didn't sound like Ty Lee anymore. Suki wanted to apologize to her. She shouldn't have brought her back to the Fire Nation.

"I'm pressing as hard as I can!" He was, and it hurt.

"Make the bleeding stop!"

"I can't!"

"She'll die!"

"Ty Lee, I-"

"Zuko, help her!"

"I'm so sorry," someone whispered in her ear. Then, she was burning. She smelled cooking flesh, and it was her flesh cooking. The pain was indescribable and also horrifying in its familiarity. It was worse than it had ever been before.

"Stop!" She begged. She ordered. She pleaded. She bargained. "I'll do anything if you stop!"

He didn't stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please consider leaving a review if you would like, good, bad or nuetral. :)


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